It’s part two of the Vander wedding extravaganza! We've listened to Tina sing the same song twice, watched Scheana and Shay exchange their vows, and clapped for the newlyweds as they walked down to the aisle. That can only mean one thing: IT'S RECEPTION TIIIIIIIME! The previews for Monday night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules promised a dramatic reception, and a dramatic reception is precisely what we got: There was the Katie and Tom Schwartz ring on a string incident, there was the Jax spitting relentless game at Carmen incident, there was the Jax spitting relentless game at Bartender Stacie incident, there was the Jax couldn't find anyone to dance with him at the first wedding he's ever attended incident, there was yet another botched music cue incident, there was the wedding guests leaving the reception before the Dollar Dance incident, there was the Peter asking Vail if she wanted a hug incident, there was the James double-fisting drinks right out the gate incident, there was the drunk James refusing to drink any water incident...
...And then there was the James and Kristen getting into a ginormous argument incident. Woo, nelly. Was it ever an incident. Deciding the sozzled James was in too aggressive a mood, Kristen opted to leave the wedding early. James followed Kristen out to the parking lot. And that was when all hell broke loose. What was it that set Kristen and James off? It rhymes with "Flom Flandoval." James drunkenly let it all out:
They ended on a... uh, what's the opposite of mature and cordial? Whatever it is, that's what kind of note they ended on. James got in Kristen's face, Kristen dumped James, James refused to get out of Kristen's face, Kristen popped James in the mouth twice, Kristen immediately regretting popping James in the mouth, Kristen and Trevor the Trainer made their escape, James returned to the wedding reception, and James had a heart-to-heart with Tom Sandoval about the mouth punches.
Let's back up a bit: Kristen socked James right in the gob twice. Like, actually balled up a fist and punched him. Twice. HOLY CRAP SANDWICHES, Y'ALL.
In a talking head, James said he deserved it. Oh, no. No no no no no no.
James was acting a drunk fool and I totally get why Kristen wanted to get the hell away from him, but he didn't deserve any face punches. You hear me, James? YOU DIDN'T DESERVE IT.
As soon as the episode ended, I checked Twitter for any hints about James and Kristen's current relationship status. They are—spoiler alert—very much an item:
There you have it, Kristen/James shippers. The couple is back together, taking trips with friends together, celebrating K-Doute's birthday together, and smooching together. The breakup is no more. Kristen and James unbroke the breakup.
Images: Tommy Garcia/Bravo; bricesander/tumblr (2)