The 'Felicity' Pilot Is Is So 2002

If anyone on television shaped my formative years, it certainly wasn’t Clarissa or Monica or even Rory or Lane — it was Felicity Porter. Felicity running off to New York City to follow her high school crush Ben Covington, well, it spoke to me, like it would speak to any adolescent girl. Now that I am a decade older and allegedly wiser, I think Felicity was pretty flighty to just bail on Stanford and follow a guy that doesn’t even know her name to the other side of the country. But what do I know? I will barely leave my neighborhood because I am lazy.

One of the things that’s still amazing to me is that J.J. Abrams was behind this show. The man who gave us such shows like Lost and Alias first invested himself in a little tale of an almost twenty-something girl struggling to find herself in the big city. Abram’s projects have action and pizzazz coupled with a dose of emotion and humanity, and it’s easy to see how working on Felicity may have influenced the shows that followed.

Knowing what I know now about New York, the world, and college, I decided to give Felicity’s pilot another look, and here’s what I found.

The Show’s Main Means Of Communication Is So 2002

One reason the show would have to be completely retooled today is because Felicity communicates with Sally, her French tutor (who is voiced by Janeane Garofalo, by the way), entirely through recorded tapes. They are tape pals. I wouldn’t even know where to find a tape recorder today, much less the little teeny tapes that go inside them. Today, Felicity and Sally would tweet and text, although Felicity would not understand emojis and would refuse to use them. She also uses her room phone, which I don’t think that dorms have room phones anymore.

Ben Versus Noel Is Easier To Answer Now

Neither. The answer is neither. Though Felicity is pretty certifiable for all of the stalker antics she pulls during the pilot, Ben is pretty crappy to her. Also, he lies about his brother having died from cancer. He’s selfish and leads her on. Noel, on the other hand, stalks Felicity, so we have this long stalking circle happening. He is more neurotic than a Woody Allen movie, so he certainly fits into New York. The answer to Ben versus Noel is neither. Go out and cruise guys in the park, Felicity. Eh, who am I kidding? She’d be on Tinder today.

Felicity’s Hoverparents Are Ahead Of Their Time

As a millennial, I hate when people (mostly Baby Boomers or Gen X) talk about how millennials are ruining everything and their parents do everything for them. While I think that all of us getting medals for just showing up is detrimental, we are not the cause of all of your problems. The people who raised millennials are the cause of the problems. This is where Felicity’s parents fit in — they basically planned out her whole life and even “made some calls” to get her into Stanford (twice). With this hover parenting at a fever pitch today, I can only imagine what they would be like if they were raising a kid in contemporary times, not ten years ago.

Felicity’s Leather Backpacks Are Everything

They’re perfectly worn, made of smooth, buttery leather, and would be perfectly in sync with today’s style trends. Actually everything that the cast wears would probably fit in with today’s normcore and athleisure style trends. Also, a shout out to Felicity’s hair — RIP.

The Pink Power Ranger Is So Nice

Amy Jo Johnson, aka Kimberly from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, plays Julie, Felicity’s first friend in New York. She gets caught in the crossfire between this weird Ben and Felicity thing but still stays friends with Felicity, so she is a better person than I am, and not only because she drives a pterodactyl robot.

Megan Is The Most Believable Person On The Show

She’s the most believable roommate, at least. She’s never there, and when Felicity tries to introduce herself, Megan just stares at her and leaves. That feels real to me, even in 2015.

Felicity Needs To Chill Out

I get that you just changed colleges and followed a guy across the country and he doesn’t even know that you exist and this has never happened to anyone else in the history of time, Felicity, but yes it has and you need to take a Xanax. To paraphrase Joan Didion, when you’re young you think what you’re experiencing has never once happened to anyone. Felicity is so neurotic that she was making me anxious while watching. Maybe she should have just stayed with Noel the whole time.

Now that I’ve rewatched the pilot, I would love to see a Felicity reboot. A girl with big hair and big dreams? That can translate into any generation.

Images: Giphy (7)