Thursday, rock quartet Fall Out Boy dropped a video for “Irresistible”, the latest single off of American Psycho/American Beauty. In the vid, the Fall Out Boys crash a pickup basketball game. (Don’t you worry, there are plenty of short-shorts. No short-short shortage here. The walking sticks are most definitely out on display.) As the Fall Out Boys dribble, shoot, and fail to score on their opponents, stuff starts to get weird. Like, really weird. Would recommend.
If you are a Millennial of a certain age, I’d be willing to wager that when you saw the title of the new Fall Out Boy single, you immediately thought of Jessica Simpson's 2001 hit “Irresistible” and its music video. I know I did.
...But which "Irresistible" music video is more irresistible?
UH OH. You know what that means, right? We have a battle of the “Irresistible”s on our hands. No, this isn't a Highlander situation; There can be more than one "Irresistible". But! That doesn't mean I can't pit the videos against each other and declare one the victor. It's "Irresistible" versus "Irresistible." Fall Out Boy versus Jessica Simpson. 2015 versus 2001.
I will host, conduct, and judge this battle. Ready? Terrific. Let the games begin.
ROUND 1 — SETTING
Fall Out Boy: An outdoor basketball court
Jessica Simpson: A futuristic metropolis where Jessica Simpson's face is projected on the sides of buildings
WINNER: J-Simps. I am a sucker for a CGI city.
ROUND 2 — WARDROBE
Fall Out Boy: Kooky gym clothes
Jessica Simpson: Multiple midriff-baring ensembles
WINNER: Unbreakable tie. I love all of the costume choices happening in both music videos.
ROUND 3 — NOTEWORTHY ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
Fall Out Boy: Patrick Stump’s face guard
Jessica Simpson: The waistbandless jeans
WINNER: The face guard is very practical (keep that face safe!), whereas the waistbandless jeans are a nuisance. Just the worst. AUGHHHHHH I am so grateful those are no longer in style. They always crept down too low! They looked like garbage! Give me all of the waistbanded pants, please!
Oh, what's that? I'm supposed to declare a winner? J-Simps. As much as I respect a face guard, I feel too strongly about waistbandless jeans to not give J-Simps this round.
ROUND 4 — WTF MOMENT #1
Fall Out Boy: Pete Wentz turns into a human-shaped pillow with a human face
Jessica Simpson: This random orb opens up and reveals a futuristic stopwatch...
...and J-Simps falls through the floor
WINNER: Fall Out Boy. That pillow body is so freakin' creepy.
ROUND 5 — WTF MOMENT #2
Fall Out Boy: Patrick Stumps fails to catch a basketball...
...and his mannequin hand falls off
Jessica Simpson: Two robot hands appear out of nowhere and carry J-Simps away
WINNER: I actually reacted out loud when those golden robo hands descended from the sky, so this round goes to J-Simps.
ROUND 6 — WTF MOMENT #3
Fall Out Boy: The crowd explodes into fire balls but no one gets hurt
Jessica Simpson: J-Simps dances around in an empty mall (????) next to some videos of her own face
WINNER: J-Simps. Seriously, what the heck is that place?
ROUND 7 — WTF MOMENT #4
Fall Out Boy: An illustration of a winged Patrick Stump takes over the screen
Jessica Simpson: J-Simps casually struts on the wall
WINNER: Fall Out Boy. It might be the most random thing to happen in what is a very random video. In this particular case, random trumps defying physics.
Fall Out Boy: 3
Jessica Simpson: 5
OVERALL WINNER: The music video for Jessica Simpson's "Irresistible"
You put up a good fight, Fall Out Boy, but J-Simps's music video remains the most irresistible "Irresistible". You'll get 'em next time.