I have the mic, so I'm going to scream it from the mountain tops: There's nothing not to love about Dr. Seuss, second opinions be damned. I think a good many of us cut our literary teeth on one Seuss tale or another, and if my copy of Oh the Places You Will Go is any indication, the works of Seuss have enough wit, wisdom, and creative integrity to stay with you for your entire life (or at least until your late 20s — that I can vouch for with absolute certainty).
From One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish to The Cat in the Hat, from The Lorax to The Butter Battle Book — over the years, I have learned to live for those precious moments of rhyming delight that lurk within the pages of every Seuss book. And that's what makes this next bit of news a real game changer as far as my literary wish list is concerned: This coming July, Random House will release a lost Seuss manuscript, What Pet Should I Get, as a new book.
So, while you let that utterly life-changing news sink in, why not take a few moments to fall back in love with the good doctor and consider which classic Seuss character you most closely resemble. You never know what you might discover... it could even effect what pet you should get.
1. How do you start a perfect day?
A) With a breath of fresh air.
B) With a freshly hatched plan.
C) With a wink.
D) With a check of the perimeter.
2. What is your greatest ambition?
A) Peace on earth and harmony among all beings.
B) Peace and quiet.
D) Total domination.
3. How do you unwind?
A) A walk in the woods.
B) A sleigh ride.
C) Indoor games.
D) A little bite to eat.
4. How would you describe your best friend?
B) A faithful hound.
C) I'm more of a lone wolf.
D) A kindred spirit.
5. Where would you find your ideal lair?
A) Deep in the forest.
B) At the top of an icy mountain.
C) In the spare bedroom.
D) Hidden from prying enemy eyes.
6. Where do you spend most of your time?
A) In the great outdoors.
B) Spying on the neighbors from a snowy outlook.
C) At the neighbor's house.
7. What is your biggest fear?
B) The happiness of others.
C) Being alone.
8. What's your most trusted accessory?
A) A seed.
B) A sled.
C) A hat.
D) A gun.
9. What do you see when you look in the mirror?
A) A tired crusader.
B) A miserable old miser.
C) A troublemaker.
D) A patriot.
10. What makes you happy?
A) The earth.
11. If You Had One Wish What Would it Be?
C) Friends to play with.
12. How do you make magic happen?
A) With strong hands and hard work.
B) With generosity.
C) It all comes from within...within the hat, that is.
D) The military industrial complex.
So, Which Seuss Character Are You?
If You Got Mostly As
Flowers blossom at your feet and the birds of the world are competing to braid your hair in the morning — you are a living, breathing Lorax. As you march off to make the world a better place, you carry the spirit of sustainability within you, and just like the Lorax you will help shine the light of balance and harmony on all of the dark places you encounter in the world.
If You Got Mostly Bs
Get thee to a cardiologist — your heart seems to have shrunk. Why so sad? You are starting to seem like quite the grinch. If you're enjoying a little time away from it all, then more power to you, but if you're trying to slip out of your solitary state, I suggest giving something back to your community. It worked for the original G after all.
If You Got Mostly Cs
Mothers and fathers, lock those front doors — there's a new cat in the hood and that spells trouble with a capital T. If you scored the Cat as your classical Seussian doppelgänger, then you are a true master of mayhem. So, you could try to clean up your act and get in with the right crowd, or you can embrace the chaos and make the most of rainy, soggy indoor sort of day it while it lasts. That's what the Cat would do.
If You Got Mostly Ds
You're a Zook... or a Yook. It's all the same at the end of the day. Your desire to protect your people and carry on with tradition is nothing short of honorable, but fear in the face of difference breeds hatred, and we all know where hatred can lead. So, rather than fighting for your dearly held traditions, why not try to share them with others instead. You never know what sort of Seussian miracle might emerge as a result.
Image: Giphy (12)