Have you heard the latest in debunked rumors? Because the word on the street is that Kim Kardashian hires a photoshop assistant to improve her Instagram pics. Oh, the scandal. You mean Kim K doesn't really wake up like this? No wonder she and Beyoncé don't get along. (Although, then again, Beyoncé has been accused of photoshopping her pictures as well.) Anyway, the point is, there has been gossip that Kardashian pays a photoshop assistant $100,000 to turn her selfies from geek to fleek, and that seems to be a lot of unnecessary money to me. I mean, sure, Kardashian has that kind of cash to burn through, but she doesn't need to be spending it. There are plenty of people who would improve her Instagram photos for a much cheaper price.
You know, like myself. Whether you believe that Kardashian really pays a photoshop assistant that much (and then has them delete the original selfies by contract) or not, the fact of the matter is that anyone with access to Adobe Photoshop and a lot of time to kill can make a better Kim K Selfie. It's easier than getting into Harvard Law School. (If you get the Legally Blonde reference, then I love you.) But, hey, if Kardashian is still hiring, then I offer the following seven improved selfies as my portfolio.
1. The Glitter Filter
Nothing covers up a bad hair day, or bad makeup game, than coating your selfie with a sheen of glitter. Plus, it makes you look like some kind of sparkling princess — so what is the downside?
2. The Love Filter
Who cares what Kanye and Kim K are actually doing in this photo? Or where they are? Or what they're wearing? The only thing the people really care about is how in love they are. And nothing says love like a heart made out of roses.
3. The Puppy Filter
Posting selfie after selfie might make people get a little tired of your Instagram, and, when people get tired of your Instagram, people stop following your Instagram. That's why we could spice up a few of Kim K's photos with a puppy. Even better: a puppy wearing a crown. That's more adorable than a basket of kittens and will earn her many likes.
4. The Kanye Filter
Let's be real. Any photo that doesn't have Kanye West in it is a photo that I am shocked Kanye did not bomb his way into. Listen, Kim K, Chrissy Teigen, and John Legend, he will let you finish... but Kanye takes the best non-smiling selfies of all time.
5. The Emoji Filter
If you're having a sad day and don't want your followers to know it, nothing cheers up an Instagram photo faster than putting emojis all over it. With one covering your face and the rest surrounding you like a magical wonderland of amazing expressions, your photo will turn out incredibly cheerful even if you're not feeling that way on the inside.
6. The Nori Filter
I mean, let's be real. We all really go to Kardashian's Instagram in the hopes that she'll post another adorable picture of North West. So, when she does, why not soup up the photo by reminding everyone where their real focus should be? At least until North gets an Instagram of her own.
7. The Yikes Filter
Sorry, but those colored contacts still freak me out. This photo needed an Ariana Grande Meme to properly express the bewilderment of the people looking at it. See, Kim K? You don't have to shell out so much money to get your Instagram photos improved. I did it for you completely for free.
Image: kimkardashian/Instagram; Getty Images; Kadeen Griffiths/Bustle