Good news for all the 1950s-style conservative dads who're always telling their hippie sons to cut their damn hair; bad news for the hippie sons. It seems that Jared Leto has cut his hair and shaved his beard, making this day, March 2 In The Year Of Our Lord 2015, one that will live in infamy. Pour one out for the ombre Jesus mane to end all ombre Jesus manes.
On Monday morning, David Ayer, the director of Leto's upcoming film Suicide Squad, tweeted an image of scissors poised around what appeared to be Leto's ponytail. I wouldn't be exaggerating if I compared this sight to the image of a member of the French resistance at the guillotine. Nay, Ned Stark with his head on a stone, about to be beheaded by The Mountain. Whatever the heavy-handed analogy, I can say that this styling decision will have far-reaching implications for Leto and the world around him. Will his Oscar photobombs be as entertaining as they have in the past? Will he lose all of his earthly strength? Will the world stop turning?!
Let's unpack the scenarios that potentially await us now that the Leto beard and Leto-mane are potentially no more. Here are sven things that may happen now that Jared Leto has gone and (probably) cut his hair.
Man buns will fall out of style
Without their general, the men with buns are just a shell-shocked, demoralized troop of boys without a leader.
Forget the man braid, that's never gonna happen
[Twitter Embed: https://twitter.com/baconlucy/statuses/554610015626334209]
He barely had a chance to get this one off the ground!
Ombre hair will fall out of practice altogether
I mean, it's been dying for a while.
Leto will lose all of his strength
He will lose all desire to make mischief at awards shows
There's NO way this is gonna be as funny with short hair and a bare face.
Leto will never have the chance to play The Dude in a Big Lebowski remake
Now that I just found this picture and thought of it, I'm disappointed that it won't happen now. After all, HAIR NEVER GROWS BACK!!
It'll actually be fine
In all reality, it's probably better this way.
Image: Getty Images (2)