Remember when Kim Kardashian announced that she was taking piano lessons and simultaneously fulfilled all of our most absurd Keeping Up With the Kardashians subplot fantasies? She's not stopping there. In addition to learning the piano, there's talk of Kim Kardashian planning to take violin lessons. And thus begins Kim's kwest to become a one-woman, selfie-taking orchestra.
Sources told TMZ that Kourtney Kardashian gifted her sister Kim a violin for Christmas, which is SO thoughtful and will TOTALLY not end up in storage. As it turns out, the KUWTK star played violin when she was but a simple Kardashian youth, which is a piece of trivia you can keep in your back pocket for a rainy day. Always hungry for the next challenge, Kim supposedly has big plans to re-learn the violin on that expensive one Kourtney so thoughtfully gave her. Just wait until she learns how to play "Bound 2" on the piano, then she'll be all over those violin lessons.
Oh yeah, and about those piano lessons. Kim is supposedly under the tutelage of classical pianist Oksana Kolesnikova (reportedly because Babyface said she's AMAZING), which seems like a reasonable allocation of resources. If she's gonna learn how to play the five-note chorus of "Heartless" one key at a time, she may as well learn it from someone who is used to playing symphonies. Also, there will supposedly be a recital at the end of all of this.
Next stop for this extremely privileged person? I'm thinking the New York Philharmonic. So I have to wonder, what would it look like if Kim Kardashian auditioned for a classical orchestra?
She'd explain to the cameras (that, of course, are there) how this musical journey signifies a return to her youth.
While rehearsing at home, she'd be like "I've totes got this. My rhythm is tight."
Somehow, her universal connections would allow her to play violin or piano in the presence of this prestigious group of musical masters.
Then, she'd start her one-handed rendition of "Runaway," or whatever Kanye song she's learning.
Eventually, she'd have to admit the following.
Which would lead to this satisfying conclusion.
But ultimately, she would accept that she isn't destined to be a musical genius.
Because her creative ingenuity, as she identifies in the foreword to Selfish (aka, the Kim K selfie anthology) lies primarily in her ability to take "flattering and highly personal photos of oneself." She's totally fine with this.