Recap 'Real Housewives Of Melbourne' Season 1 Because When Season 2 Gets Going, You're Gonna Need To Catch Up
The Real Housewives franchise is going down under for Season 2 of Real Housewives of Melbourne . The show, which was once shown on daytime Bravo, is finally moving to primetime TV where it truly deserves to be. If you haven't caught this branch of the Real Housewives franchise, you're really missing out and you should fix that... like yesterday. Real Housewives of Melbourne Season 1 had all the drama (so much drama), glamour, and weird business ventures that a normal continental Housewives has, plus women who don't pull punches the way Housewives stateside tend to. And don't you dare think you can jump into Season 2 without catching up: It's absolutely essential to relive the craziness of Season 1.
Each one of the Real Housewives of Melbourne have a quirk that is bound to annoy you, but it is annoying in a "OMG, I can't look away from my TV screen" way. (The only exception is Chyka, because Chyka can do no wrong in my eyes.) Season 1 revolved around two main fights that were somehow managed to drag on for an eternity's worth of episodes. It was excruciating, but I'll take this time to remind you of that "OMG, I can't look away from my TV screen" factor.
Let's relive what went down in Season 1, shall we?
People Weren't Into Jackie's Psychic Ability
Haven't the housewives learned to never dine with a psychic (see: Allison DuBois from RHOBH's infamous dinner party from Hell). Jackie, the new girl in Melbourne, is a psychic who get's kind of forced into reading Gina (but let's just say it, Jackie didn't hate the attention). Jackie reveals that Gina's boyfriend who lives in the U.S. is cheating on her (shoutout to the adulterous United States!). Gina didn't believe her, which caused a rift between her and Jackie, but ultimately led to...
Gina Broke Up With Her Cheating U.S. Boyfriend
But it had nothing to do with what Jackie said about him cheating... Because Gina didn't believe it. Said no one, ever. Gina, now being a single woman, signed up with Australia's version of Millionaire Matchmaker, because these women will not let you forget that they're wealthy.
Janet Got Back In The Game
Janet was separated from Husband 2, who cheated, and was ready to start dating again. They didn't dwell on it too much, but because I like Janet, I wanted to point out that Janet went on a date with a man half the age of her ex. Also she's awesome.
Jackie & Ben Start A Cocktail Line
I think when you star in a Bravo show, you have a choice of six or so boxes you get to check for what business ventures you will undergo during the filming process. For Jackie and her rockstar husband Ben (did you not know he was a rockstar? He's a rockstar.), they went with the cocktail brand box. Like some of their — ahem — successful predecessors, it wasn't a smooth beginning, but at the end of the season, they launched La Máscara, shockingly. Because it was actually kind of shocking.
Gina Vs. Andrea
Andrea and Gina were comparable to Kyle and Camille a la Season 1 of RHOBH. They just didn't get along, no matter what the other said or did. They excluded each other from events that they threw. They both demanded apologies from each other. There was an email (that was confusing) and supposedly threatened legal action Gina would take against Andrea (Gina is a barrister, reminder!), Look, by the precedent set before them, I only believe emails that are read for the camera (see: RHOBH email at the White Party from Hell. So many dinner parties from Hell in Beverly Hills).
Gina Vs. Everyone Else
No one was feeling Gina Season 1. Honestly, I'm surprised she is coming back for a second season. She butt heads with every woman, except Chyka, because Chyka's awesome and is all "IDGAF about your dramz." Janet couldn't stand the fact that Gina was always late (Dammit Janet, it takes a lot of time to put on that many rhinestones), Lydia couldn't stand that Gina would talk about her book (yet, Lydia would go talk so much smack about Gina when Gina was literally feet away from her). Shockingly, Gina got along with Jackie after they resolved the whole debacle of the reading from Episode 1.
Andrea Was Writing A Book
Andrea's not on the show anymore (thankfully) so really it doesn't matter what she was doing, but this is just too funny to not include. Because Andrea has the “everyday woman” life of parenting (with five nannies), she decided she is the perfect person to write a book for other mothers! Note: The average mother cannot afford even a fraction of Andrea's parenting.
This is how Andrea tried to pitch the book to a publisher: “This is how you can have my fabulous life, since you’re so interested in it." Right.
Apparently Andrea was dead wrong (shocker) because according to the Daily Mail, Andrea isn't going through with the book, because of how it was portrayed on TV. Sure, that's why.
Images: Martin Philbey/Bravo; Giphy (7)