5 Pros And Cons Of Being A Plus-Size Dominatrix, Because BDSM Is Not The Shocking Lifestyle Choice It Once Was

LOS ANGELES, CA - MAY 12: A man who goes by the name MadCubsFan is voluntarily dominated by women at a dungeon party during the domination convention, DomConLA, in the early morning hours of May 12, 2013 in Los Angeles, California. The annual convention was started in 2003 by fetish professional Mistress Cyan to bring together enthusiasts of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Submission and Dominance) and other fetishes. (Photo by David McNew/Getty Images)
Source: David McNew/Getty Images News/Getty Images

I was going on my seventh month of unemployment, when I decided to become a Dominatrix. I had worked as a personal assistant, long-distance operator, and a customer-service clerk, but there was nothing on my resume to suggest that I'd be good at fetish work. I was just so frustrated at not having a job, and having to fend off debt-collectors, that I was willing to try almost anything.

These days, BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) is hardly the shocking lifestyle choice it once was. We've got BDSM being featured on various TV shows such as Forever and CSI. There are all kinds of Fifty Shades of Grey merchandise including detergent and dog bones, and let's not forget that Fifty Shades of Grey has had such an impact on popular culture that there's been a rise in babies named Anastasia and Christian

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As a plus-size woman, I'm well aware of size-discrimination in the workplace and that there's some jobs that I'll never get: Navy Seal, Olympic gymnast, and skinny jeans model. To get a job, I need to widen my job search, and think outside the lines of traditional employment.

I had very little experience with BDSM and wasn't sure I had the skills needed for fetish play for pay. I've been tied-up before, but I hated being spanked. Maybe it would feel better if I was the one doing the spanking? I convinced myself to look at the Dominatrix (Dominatrixes prefer that it be capitalized) job as one would any job in the service industry--it was something I could do to help people. I'd be like a therapist or a doctor.

I was in my late 30s, 5'4 and a size 16, when I came up with my Dominatrix idea. I looked more like a woman who shopped at the local Target not Whips R Us. Would my chubby body really be the stuff of fantasies?

I went online to check out what being a Dominatrix might look like. I was surprised to see pictures of women who looked like me. There are a lot of fantasy roles that a large woman can play. Some very specific fetish personas such as cruel prison matron, vicious nanny, and KGB secret agent are even more popular when done by an plus-size woman. Who knew that the BDSM industry is size-positive and has many plus-size mistresses? Hey, does the Dominatrix job come with a 401k? 

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I still wasn't entirely convinced that I should pursue a career in submission and domination so I weighed the pros and cons.

1. Con: It takes energy to beat somebody into submission and I'm lazy. I don't have enough discipline to go to the gym, let alone train a panty slave.


2. Con: I'm too polite to be verbally abusive, and too self-conscious of my body to use someone as human furniture. "Sit on your back, really, have you thought that through?"


3. Pro: Instead of punching a time clock, I could punch my client.

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4. Pro: I wouldn't have to commute if I turned my spare bedroom into a dungeon. Tax write-off!


5. Pro: How great would it be to have a slave pay me to have the honor of cleaning my bathroom...with a toothbrush...naked.

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I was still undecided when I heard the story of the man who couldn't get off until he had been tied up in a hotel room while his domina went shopping with his credit card. If shopping and knot-tying were the skills that one needed to be a Dominatrix, then bend over and call me Mistress Christine.

Images: Getty Images (4); Giphy(4)

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