Texting is kinda dumb, but unfortunately, it's an unavoidable thing in 2015. Through practice and patience, we learn the careful nuances necessary in crafting a perfect text. It's almost as if vocal tone, facial expression, and IRL human interaction is completely useless! Haha! But really — one of the first lessons absorbed through such studies in subtle texting d*ckishness is the the truly offensive nature of the letter "k" when standing alone. Sending "k" as a response is super rude. No interpretation needed for that one. Consider it a fact.
Note how I called The K Lesson "one of the first" — meaning, we are still in the cursory process of beginning to unearth the impossibly fine distinctions added intentionally to texts to convey a specific air, if you will. Recently, studies suggested the simple inclusion of a period (".") in a text injects extra weight — namely, ending an iMessage with a period will probably make its recipient think you're super pissed. Punctuation is powerful, y'all. As is capitalization. Again, it's all about the subtleties. Take for example the deceptively straight-up word "cool" and how it may differ with different punctuation and capitalization. It may look innocent and accidental, but oh boy. Here I am to help instill the paralyzing paranoia that that text might mean more than you first think:
Title-case capitalization, ending with an exclamation point.
Meaning: Usually universally good; "Yeah, works for me and I can't wait to do it with you also you're pretty great!" or "I love that idea and you as well!" or "FASCINATING. By the way, we should eat tacos together soon — my treat!"
Lower-case capitalization, ending with an exclamation point.
Meaning: Same as above, but much more deliberately chill. Or they set up their phone to stop autocorrecting to title-case (which, by default, is also chilling with purpose). Or they are graphic designers (seriously, show me one graphic designer who doesn't subscribe to this tic and I will treat you to tacos).
All-caps, ending with an exclamation point.
Meaning: Next-level stoked or next-level stoned; "I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH".
Title-case, no punctuation.
Meaning: Varies intensely; "Into it, but also — I'm busy AF right now talk with you in a sec" or "Yeah yeah yeah. I can't tell if this is annoying me" or "Haha, I'm driving and voice-to-text is whack".
Lower-case capitalization, no punctuation.
Meaning: Probably not great; "ugh i'm 2 kewl 4 u i have design projects rn 2 tend 2 so liiike".
All-caps, no punctuation.
Meaning: "I hate that/you/myself".
Title-case capitalization, ending with a period.
Meaning: Another obnoxiously varied one; "That's seriously fine but also keep in mind you're texting an incredibly boring person at the moment" or "This annoys me" or "I will probably never speak with you again".
Lower-case capitalization, ending with a period.
Meaning: You royally pissed off a graphic designer. Woo, bb.
All-caps, ending with a period.
Meaning: Sarcasm, always.
Title-case capitalization, ending with an ellipses.
Meaning: Wild card; "I don't know what's happening" or "You might be a moron" or "You might be a moron but I'll be over ASAP sans underwear".
Lower-case capitalization, ending with an ellipses.
Meaning: Sexy; "once i finish rendering this illustration i'm gonna give you the most mind-blowing night everrr".
All-caps, ending with an ellipses.
Meaning: This never happens.
"Cooooooooooooool" or "cooooooooooooool"
Title-case or lower-case capitalization, no punctuation, multiple Os.
Meaning: Positive; "It's on".
All-caps, no punctuation, multiple Os.
"cOoL!" or "cOoL." "cOoL" or "cOoL..."
Alternating capitalization, any punctuation or lack of punctuation.
Meaning: "I'm high. Wanna go gab some burritos? Two or four burritos each? IDK LOL ILY".
Happy decoding, y'all. And now rest assured when I text you "cool" it almost never is synonymous with "gotcha". Unless it is. ;)
Images: Pexels; Giphy (15)