"Clippy", Microsoft's Helpful Cartoon Paperclip Assistant, Is The Unlikely Star Of A New Erotic Ebook

In his new erotic short story, “Conquered by Clippy,” author Leonard Delaney weaves a rousing tale of paper clips and sex. Dear God, what hath our internet age wrought? Rule 34 famously tells us that if something exists, there is porn for it. This is a tried and true fact, and yet somehow I, in my naiveté, was still surprised to discover the latest entry into the “Wait, What?” category of erotic literature: Clippy porn. Come on, you all remember Clippy, the anthropomorphic paperclip helper that used to pop up while you were working on Microsoft Word? Yeah, well, now there’s porn for that. Needless to say, you’ll never look at office supplies the same way again.

Here’s Delaney’s blurb for the work:

By “all bent out of shape,” I’m assuming he means “hot with the need for some sweet Microsoft Office loving.”

If you’re wondering how Clippy porn would actually, er, work, here’s a sample. (Warning: this is where things get explicit):

(I’m so glad that Delaney specifies which “human body part” he’s talking about, aren’t you?)

In an email exchange with Miles Klee at The Daily Dot, Delaney recounts his early attachment to Clippy, the animated Office Assistant who would pop up to ask if users they needed help in various iterations of Microsoft Office released between 1997 and 2004. He writes to Klee, at a young age...

Whatever makes you happy, dude. If you’re interested in checking out more of Delaney’s oeuvre, you can find his erotic stories about Tetris and “sexual wizards” on Amazon.

Also, this story apparently includes the phrase “[she] spurted lady-butter,” which is something I think none of us needed to read, ever. You’re welcome.

If you are willing to spend 3 dollars on a story that’s going to make you feel weird every time you open Microsoft Word for the rest of your life, buy the story here.

Image: Flickr; Giphy