These Spice Girls Lyrics Are Totally Life Lessons

by Kristie Rohwedder

For the past 18 years, I've been a devoted Spice Girls fan. If Spice World happens to be on cable, you bet I'll stop whatever it is I'm doing at that moment so I can watch the movie for the 850th time. When the Spice Girls' reunion happened in 2007, my friends and I road tripped to the concert in the middle of finals week. Who needs to study for exams when you have the power of Spice? I keep their Greatest Hits album on my iPhone at all times. To do otherwise would be blasphemous. What is it about the Spice Girls that I love oh-so much? Uh, do you have time to read 1,500 different reasons? No? OK. I just focus on one of the 1,500 reasons. And that reason is: The Spice Girls' lyrics pack a punch.

The highest-selling female pop group of all time certainly sang some silly—or as the British quintet might say, "cheeky"— lines, but if you think their lyrics are nothing more than a pile of meaningless fluff, I ask that you stop right now, thank you very much. In between all of the zig-a-zig-ahs and the hi-c-ya-hold-tights, the Spice Girls sprinkled poignant life lessons throughout their song catalog. Here are my incredibly reasonable interpretations of some of my favorite Spice Girls lyrics:

"If you put two and two together you will see what our friendship is for/If you can't work this equation then I guess I'll have to show you the door"

Song: "Say You'll Be There"My interpretation: Math is important. You may think you'll never use the quadratic formula in real life, but you never know when you might roll up to an exclusive nightclub only for the bouncer to ask you to solve for x. Don't mess up. Otherwise, you'll be kicking pebbles out on the curb while your math-knowing friends get to live it up on the dance floor.

"Slow it down, read the sign, so you know just where you're going"

Song: "Stop"My interpretation: When driving, pay attention to the street signs. Save yourself the headache. Don't wind up heading north when you're supposed to be going south all because you had a "hunch" that freeway entrance was the correct freeway entrance. Don't wind up stuck in a traffic jam on the PCH for 40 minutes, shouting expletives at your dashboard and shaking your fists at the sky.

(In my defense, the freeway entrance sign was obscured by a massive shrub. Even so, I should've checked my GPS before I made any sudden moves.)

"There's no hiding from this magical state of mind"

Song: "Headlines"My interpretation: You can't hide from magic. Magic always wins.

"Set your spirit free/It's the only way to be"

Song: "2 Become 1"My interpretation: Locking up your spirit in a velvet-lined treasure chest sounds like a great and glamorous idea, but it’s not the way to be. Your spirit needs to be out and about and able to roam as it pleases. Or else your spirit may grow to resent you, like a tween whose AOL Instant Messenger privileges have been revoked.

"Just make sure you're there to answer when love comes around/Don't be surprised when love knocks at your door"

Song: "Oxygen"My interpretation: When love rings your doorbell, don't say, "Oh, whoa. Hi, there. Sorry, I wasn't expecting you. I was just heading out. Look, I really don't need any wrapping paper or coupon books or whatever it is you're selling. Maybe come back next year?"

Don't make love feel like it is intruding. Don't be rude, dude.

"Whenever I go out, wherever it may be/There never is a Keanu, but a dweeb lookin' at me"

Song: "If U Can't Dance"My interpretation: The inhabitants of the world can be split up into two categories: Keanus and dweebs. Dweebs are a dime a dozen; Keanus are rare, glimmering rubies. If you ever happen upon a Keanu, consider yourself a lucky, lucky person. Don't let go of that Keanu. There's a chance you may never find another Keanu.

"Climbing the snake up the ladder, but you're wrong"

Song: "Who Do You Think You Are?"My interpretation: Don’t try to climb up a snake, and definitely don’t try to climb up a snake while you climb up a ladder. That’s a disaster waiting to happen. How the heck does one climb a snake, anyway?

...Wait, is that a euphemism?

"But sometimes illusion ain't no revolution"

Song: "Too Much"My interpretation: Magic Eye books are cool and all, but you shouldn't expect them to lead a coup d'état.

Images: neonisinmyblood, spicefreakout (3), spacecadet (2), spice5girls, realitytvgifs/tumblr