Ashton Kutcher & Mila Kunis Are Almost Certainly Married, Which We Know Because The Actress Has Zero Poker Face

YOU GUYS!!! Odds are, Kelso and Jackie totally eloped without telling us. Judging from the latest coy interview, it's pretty much a certainty that Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are married. Even though Kunis showed off what appears to be her wedding ring, she still won't give a concrete answer to the question: "Are you guys married?" Instead, the couple continues to insist on playing with us.

Talk show host James Corden reportedly squeezed a sorta answer out of Kunis during a taping of his show on Sunday night. According to The Mirror, Corden asked the actress if she and her TV-turned-IRL boyfriend were married for realizes. Worn down by the questioning, she conceded, "maybe" and allowed him to see her ring. HER RING, GUYS!! There's supposed to be a ring. Also, a blushing "maybe" is basically what humans do when they concede to being caught doing something sneaky, like stealing K-cups at work or farting. Hence, we can infer that she and Kutcher have probably already tied the knot. I guess that Cuisinart I bought them was for nothing.

During a break, Corden supposedly apologized for blowing her cover, and she said "it's fine." The episode with Kunis' interview airs Monday night, so you're welcome for the advance notice.

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Kelso and Jackie have been accidentally-on-purpose hinting that they're probably married for a while. In a Facebook post from a few months back, Kutcher seemingly referred to himself, Kunis, and baby Wyatt as "The Kutchers." Then, Ellen DeGeneres asked Kunis if said Facebook post was a confirmation of the fact that she and Kutcher were married, and she basically didn't answer the question. From one girl who is incapable of keeping secrets to another, you've gotta love that poker face.

One thing I'm not entirely understanding us why they aren't just admitting to the happy news if it's true. I mean, the wedding ring is basically the smoking gun. It seems like they aren't doing this for privacy's sake. After all, they were pretty open about the birth of their daughter with the public, so what's the use of keeping this news a kinda-sorta secret? If they announced their marriage, odds are that the public would be momentarily excited for them, say "congrats," and then stop talking about it. My guess is that a very clever publicist is telling them to continue to cryptically hint in order to keep people talking. Given the fact that I'm writing this article about it now, that person is clearly right. Well played, Mashton. Well played.

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