The 8 Emotional Stages Of Eating A Chocolate Bunny And Not Feeling Like A Monster For Devouring Something So Cute
With Easter comes an overabundance of chocolate — chocolate eggs, and chocolate Easter bunnies. Eating chocolate is a spectacular human experience. It's never a regrettable decision, and the moment a piece touches your tongue, there's absolutely nothing that could top it. You could be in the middle of a puppy party hosted by Ryan Gosling and the chocolate would still hold all of your attention. But because it's such a magical food choice, it makes you feel things. You go through a long and winding emotional journey from the second the corner of the wrapper is peeled back, to the moment it's empty and crumpled in your fist.
When it comes to eating hollow chocolate Easter bunnies, nothing could be more emotionally chaotic. It's kinda weird because it's your favorite food shaped like a cute furry animal. That's a conflicting reality. How are you supposed to wrap your head around that? And by the time you've finished devouring it, you might feel as strangely empty as the chocolate bunny that now lives in a million tiny pieces at the bottom of your stomach. He or she was once adorable, and now it's just nothing. A memory. A sweet one, in every sense, but still a creature of the past. Here's a breakdown of the emotional stages of eating a hollow chocolate bunny.
1. Gimme that bunny
At first it's all, I need this NOW. You're hungry, you're salivating, and you are determined to inhale this snack. Nothing can stop you.
2. WTF is with all this foil?
Except for this stupid wrapper that seems to go on forever before any chocolate is exposed. Is this a prank?
3. The first bite is the deepest
It was probably an entire bunny body part in one swift chomp.
4. These ears are delicious
You bit down on both ears, maybe even the head too. The weirdest part is when you remember that it's hollow. You know it is, going in, but when your teeth don't have to gnash through solid chocolate or when your tongue is hoping for a marshmallow-y center, it's a bummer to realize there's nothing in there but air.
5. Actually, this thing is kinda cute
Once you begin digesting the chocolate bunny head, you look down and notice the little bowtie. Awww. For a second, you regret not acknowledging the bunny's cuteness from the start. But it only lasts a second because there's still a whole lotta bunny to eat.
6. OMG, what have I done?
Halfway through, when you've chewed up the part of the bunny where the little thumping heart would've been, you kinda feel like a monster. You know it's not a real bunny. Duh. But it's still a tad bit unsettling.
7. Well, I can't stop now
I mean, whatever. You're invested now. You've eaten more than half of it, and now the sides are starting to crumble into the hollow center. It's too messy and not enough to save for another day, so you need to complete this mission.
8. You are what you eat
There's nothing left now but an empty wrapper and your full belly. But you realize that you just went through more emotional ups and downs eating a chocolate bunny than most people would. That says something, right? Yup. That you're an adorable little creature. Just like the one you ate in one sitting.