Somehow I've managed to get this far in life without attending a surfeit of weddings... and you know what? Based on these awkward wedding moments, I'm kind of glad. Attending a wedding (or even, y'know, being the focus of one) is stressful enough as it is without adding a whole 'nother layer of uncomfortable on top, am I right?
Today's round of matrimonial horror stories comes to us courtesy of an AskReddit thread posted yesterday by Topdogkingchamp. It asked the denizens of the subreddit about the worst things they've ever witnessed at weddings — and, as we've come to expect from these kinds of threads, everyone definitely delivered. Some of the more benign ones feature accidents: Trips, falls, coincidences, and so on. Others, though? All I can say is this: Good gravy, do people seriously not understand that unless you're the one getting married, weddings are not about you? Facepalm. So much facepalm.
At almost 3,500 comments, the thread is still going strong today; head on over to Reddit if you want to check it out. In the meantime, though, here are 15 of my... well, maybe not favorite highlights, but you get what I mean. Just, y'know... be prepared to cringe.
1. Well, That Takes the Cake
Oooh. I feel for you, cake lady.
2. Now Is Not the Time
Spoiler: This thread is full of people trying to make a day that is expressly not about them… all about them. Now, yes, the fact that he had cancer was rather serious indeed; however, there is a time and a place for sharing that news, and while your child is literally at the alter is not it.
3. Nope, Still Not the Time
Wow. Way to hijack someone else's wedding. I mean, it was very generous of you to pay for it — but that doesn't entitle you to make it a joint event. Unless you've talked about it ahead of time and everyone is on board with it, in which case, go ahead. Something tells me that didn't happen here, though.
4. Aaaaaaand STILL Not the Time
But “not the time” for a different reason. I suppose at least in this story, the best man wasn't trying to steal anyone's thunder; however, during your speech probably isn't the best time to voice your doubts about the relationship.
5. A Series of Unfortunate Events
Gee. I hope everyone got patched up OK.
6. The Wedding Butler
This is the shorter of this guy's two stories; head on over to the permalink to read the second. It's… quite possibly the worst wedding of all time. I'm not kidding. Also, TIL “wedding butlers” exist.
7. Late for a Very Important Date
I feel like there's some sort of “if a tree falls in a forest” reversal joke to be had here, but whatever it is, it's escaping me.
8. Worst Mom Ever
Oh. Oh my goodness. I am so sorry, Bride. That… that is awful. That woman is awful. You are better off without her anywhere near your life.
9. The Attention Seeker
The kicker? No one really knows why she was so pissed off that day. Here's the bride's best guess:
10. This Is Not the Chapel You Are Looking For
*Jedi hand wave*
11. Left at the Altar
Awwww. Poor guy. Although I suppose at least if one of them was having doubts, better to find out before they said their “I dos”… even if it was literally right before.
12. It's Like RAAAAEEEEEEEAAAAAAIN
On your wedding day! But at least it makes a good story, right?
13. Badass Bride
You. I like you. Although is anyone else curious about how the ex found out about the time and location of the wedding in the first place?
14. The Proposal
How many times do we have to go over this? Do not to propose to someone at someone else's wedding. It's not. Cool.
15. This Suit Is On Fire
This is a movie, right? Some kind of rom-com? Because I just can't think of the image of a powder blue suit accidentally lighting on fire during a wedding ceremony and not see it starring Ben Stiller or something.
Images: emilianohorcada/Flickr; Giphy (3)