There are as many ways to propose to someone as there are people in the world — and, probably, then some — but that doesn’t mean all of them are ways you should actually propose. Yesterday, redditor Couch_Licker (who may or may not actually lick couches) posted a thread to AskReddit titled, “What’s the WORST way to propose to someone?”, and… hoo boy. It’s chock full of exactly what you should never do when popping the question. Seriously. If you ever needed a guidebook to how not to propose… this is it.
To be fair, some of the answers are actually kind of cute. A number of them consist of two people just kind of chilling out on the couch until one of them just turns to the other and says, “Wanna get married?” The other agrees, and off they go. I would argue that these responses, however, actually failed to answer the original question; they may not be huge, romantic gestures, but clearly they worked for the couples in question. Others, though? Not so much. Some of them are actual stories; others are schemes dreamed up specifically for this thread; but either way, they’re a whole lot of NOPE.
If you’re thinking about popping the question, the best tip anyone can probably give you is this: Use your partner as the touchstone for everything about your proposal. What would they like? What would be meaningful for them? If a proposal is one of the greatest expressions of love for another person you can possibly make, then that person should be at the center of it all. Do that, and you can’t go wrong (in theory, at least). And if they say no, here are some explanations as to why that might have been the case.
Ready to cringe?
1. The Misunderstanding
The real tragedy here is that he didn’t bother to correct the issue when it first arose. Sure, it would have been awkward — but you know what’s even more awkward? Shelling out an insane amount of money for a wedding to someone you don’t actually want to get married to. And then having the marriage fall apart.
2. The Location Fail
Or, how to turn the most magical place on Earth into the most nightmarish place on Earth in mere seconds.
3. The Fake Brain Aneurysm
I’m pretty sure this one is one of those “I just made up the most ridiculous answer I could think of” responses… but to anyone who’s actually of doing something like this, don’t. Just don’t.
4. The Jumbotron
And while we’re at it, let’s just put the kibosh on all public proposals unless they’ve been discussed beforehand, shall we?
You don’t want a fake “yes,” do you? You want an actual yes. A fake “yes” is useless.
I have no words.
6. The Thunder Stealer
Worst. Wedding guest. EVER.
7. The Scumbag
How do people like this exist?
8. The Ring Pop
The Ring Pop itself is not the terrible bit. The terrible bit is what he said afterwards. Good on you for calling it off, Leemage — talk about dodging a bullet.
9. The Not-Breakup
Not every proposal needs to be the most romantic thing under the sun, but I can understand how this one might not have gone over too well. At least it worked out, though!
10. The Tactless Tactician
Again, it least it worked out. Me? I probably would have slugged anyone who popped the question to me like that.
11. The Long Con
No. No, this is the worst idea ever. Do not proceed. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
12. The Cat Box
…I’m sorry, what?
13. The Imaginary Relationship
No matter how much you might wish it to be, life is not a John Hughes movie.
14. The Fake Fight
I’m glad she’s out of that relationship, too, stacktion.
15. The Abduction
But hey, I suppose this would be a great way to get Liam Neeson’s attention, soooooo… there’s that.
16. The “I Don’t Know How to Adult”
If you don’t know how to adult, you probably shouldn’t be getting married.
17. The Social Media Maneuver