12 Times 'Spongebob Squarepants' Accurately Described Your Life
Porous, yellow, and ceaselessly optimistic, there are lessons from Spongebob Squarepants that we all should try to learn. At his squishy core, he is all of us: living in a thriving metropolis (Bikini Buttom), still very much a kid at heart, and stuck working a dead-end job flipping hamburgers. What makes him stand out is that he doesn't just flip burgers, he flips his perspective, turning his otherwise sad life into something worth celebrating. Except for the times when he doesn't, and that's when I can relate to him.
Defeated Spongebob is my favorite Spongebob, probably because I'm basically just Lady Squidward and think everything is terrible. Clueless Spongebob is a close second, and a combination of both the "Confused" and "Defeated" Spongebobs equate to... well, basically life in your 20s. Throw in a dash of "Philosophizing Wildly" Spongebob (because there's plenty of philosophizing at this age), and he pretty much could be your roommate in a pineapple apartment in Fort Washington.
Doubt it? I'm sure it's difficult to see our glass-half-full hero that way. But don't worry, I'm here to expand your mind, using the words of Mr. Squarepants himself. Enjoy these 12 sponge-tastic quotes that prove Spongebob knows exactly what life is like in your 20s.
1. "It's just the three of us. You, me, and this brick wall you built between us."
When you're trying to connect with your emotionally neglectful boyfriend and he's not answering your texts.
2. "Look at all the hip, young people eating sal-lads!"
Said when you go to a restaurant with your cool, vegan, perpetually dieting friends, and you're just sitting there, eating a gluten-intense bacon burger.
3. "Excuse me, sir, but you're sitting on my body, which is also my face."
Another Monday morning on the L train.
4. “This isn’t your average everyday darkness. This is… ADVANCED darkness.”
The difference between your 6 a.m., 45 minute commute to work and your 6 a.m., 45 minute commute to work without your iPod.
5. "Well, it is no secret that the best thing about secrets is that telling someone else your secret, thereby adding another secret to your secret collection of secrets, secretly."
We're the overshare generation; nothing is off limits.
6. "Help me! My house is shrinking and I woke up this morning and it was getting smaller... oh no!"
What happens when you move out of your parents house and into a glorified closet in Bed-Sty. Also what happens a week later, when it's cluttered with bras and pizza boxes.
7. "I'm ugly, and I'm proud."
The more honest approach to "I woke up like this," because, let's be real, when I take off my six coats of red lipstick, I look like the Crypt Keeper.
8. "It matters not whether one is dirty or clean… for can cleanliness exist without filtiness? And would we know filthiness without cleanliness? ...We must embrace what draws us together! All must be free to choose their own path."
"Honestly, Madison? We're going to a party. Haven't you worn those yoga pants for, like, three days now?"
"SHUT UP, AMBER, YOU KNOW I'M GOING THROUGH A BREAK-UP."
9. "At least I’m safe inside my mind."
Another person from your high school announces their engagement while you're closing in on 30 and living with two cats. It's time to take a break from the internet.
10. "I've got plenty of friends! I can name three, right off the bat!"
That moment in your mid-twenties when you've kept in contact with none out of none of your friends from college.
11. “I know a place where you never get harmed, a magical place, with magical charms. Indoors, indoors, indoors!"
This feeling is so real when you telecommute. Or when you get another Facebook event invite for your friend's show. Either.
12. "Can I be excused for the rest of my life?"
The perfect line for everyday awkwardness.
Images: Nickelodeon; Giphy (12)