9 Reasons Why Flat Butts Are Just As Wonderful And Lovable As Juicy Doubles
Big butts became a huge (no pun intended) thing in 2014. I mean, big butts have been seen as signs of sexy, awesome, womanliness since pretty much the beginning of time, but they really started trending in mainstream media for the first time last year (which just kinda shows you how much mainstream concepts of beauty had been missing out on before then). Need I remind you of Anaconda or when Kim Kardashian tried to break the Internet with her Paper Magazine photo shoot? I mean, Beyoncé's "Partition" music video made me feel things. And while I'm eternally in awe of these bubble butts all around me, they don't do anything to diminish the powerful love I have for my own admittedly super flat ass. Despite what popular culture and conventional standards of sexiness would have us believe, there are definitely some reasons flat asses are just as great as big booties.
Since my childhood in the '90's, the world around me, which exceedingly validates a big, round bottom as the shape to want, has been giving me a lot of insecurities about my rear end. Let's just say Sir Mix-A-Lot didn't help matters, and things didn't improve very much from there. While I was all about the parts of his message that are undeniably body positive, I was still left wondering, "what about me?" It always felt like the only way you were "allowed" to feel proud of having a tiny ass was if you were also a super model, which I wasn't. If you were a "real woman", you were supposed to have curves. What about the real women who don't?
As I continued to grow up, the teasing only began to grow alongside me. My nickname in high school was "Pancake Ass" because kids are the worst. Or sometimes, it was just shortened to "flapjacks". Again, the worst. And as an adult, it hasn't gotten a whole lot better. There are many struggles associated with having a cardboard booty: You are never, ever able to properly fill out a romper, maxi dress, or bodycon skirt. Oh, are you trying to be sexy? Because right now you look like 12-year-old trying to get into a club. These are thoughts I've while trying on outfits in front of a mirror.
I mean, what is it that causes someone to be born with a flat ass? Exercise? Lack of exercise? Genetics? My sister and I are pretty much exactly the same in stature, size, and shape, except that she's got about three times the amount of junk in her trunk. Whatever it is, it seems as if this simple fact won't change: I have a small booty. But for all the little everyday things that remind me that the grass is aways greener on the other side, I don't hate my butt. Truly, I kind of love it now. Here are 9 very valid reasons why having a small ass can rock, too. And plus, you've totally got Kate Upton on your side...
1. You can fit into a lot more clothes
We might all be celebrating thick back ends these days, but the fashion world is still largely catering to those of us with less curvaceous forms. My flat butt can fit into most jeans, even if it doesn't look as...dynamic once in them. Those cute floral printed joggers? You can fit into them without popping a button or ripping a stitch. I might have the booty of a pre-teen, but if I can dress this cute, I'll take it.
2. Bodycon is not really bodycon for you
For most people, nothing looks quite as "all play, no work" as bodycon dresses and skirts. Such is not always the case for people who don't have a big butt. Bodycon clothing looks weirdly demure on us. While this might suck for when you're trying to show off your (lack of) curves on a night out, it does help for being office appropriate. My black body con skirt can double as both a work outfit (paired with an oxford shirt) and a get up for a night of fun.
3. This doesn't happen to you
Do I really need to say anything more?
4. Thongs and leotards aren't here to hurt you.
Not to get graphic here, but we all know the pain of wearing one of these all day. Similar to the feeling of taking your bra off at the end of the day, the thong-take-off is just as satisfying. But luckily for those of us with smaller buns, the ratio of leotard and thong swallowing to not is reduced.
Even the mannequin knows the struggle is real.
5. This also doesn't happen to you
6. High-waisted shorts are your uniform
And let's be honest: That's not a bad uniform to rock. High-wasted shorts are the most versatile warm weather item of clothing ever. Whether they come in the form of denim shorts for the upcoming summer season, or worn to work with a pair of tights in the winter, high-waisted shorts are a no-brainer go-to that always look good.
7. You can take more breaks in the office
Less cushion on my butt = less time I can reasonably be expected to spend sitting down = more justifiable occasions to take a break = more snacks. At least that's how it works in my head.
8. It's easier to find a seat on a crowded bus or train
Oh, you want to keep teasing me about my plateau of a butt? That's cool, I'll be over here enjoying the fact the I require less seating real estate than someone with a juicy booty.
9. Because all butts are pretty much amazing
Flat, bubble, shelf, perky, saggy—they're all awesome. No butt should ever make anyone sad ever. All butts should make you happy. So go shake that what your mama gave you in front of a mirror and give your booty some love. I know I will be.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy(4)