'The Voice' Season 5 Recap: Xtina Worries a 'Radioactive' Mosquito is After Her

After last Tuesday's lackluster episode of The Voice, Monday night's was a welcome change of pace. It didn't set my soul on fire quite like the first night of Battle Rounds, but there was some good singin'. That's all we can ask for, yes? Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green, Blake Shelton, and Adam Levine continue to pit their team members against one another for our viewing pleasure. I've lost track of who has yet to battle it out, so each pairing tonight was a surprise. Honestly, I don't remember anyone's names anymore. If there were five more episodes of Battle Rounds, but they just rearranged the orders of the same contestants, I doubt I'd pick up on it. This show whips your mind into a useless fog. I mean that in a positive way.

TEAM XTINA

Josh Logan vs. Michael Lynch, "Harder to Breathe": Well, I don't know how old Michael is, but he said that this song is one of the Maroon 5 songs he isn't familiar with. Oh, do you need a copy of any of my mix CDs from high school, Michael? Because that song was on every CD I made. Both dudes sound really nice, but I love Michael. Josh did his best Adam Levine impression with this song, and it worked for Xtina. She chose Josh and no one stole Michael. No farewell duet/dance with Coach Xtina, unfortunately.

TEAM CEE LO

George Horga Jr. vs. Juhi, "Best I Ever Had": When Juhi wasn't sliding her voice around like a maniac, she sounded kind of like, and I can't believe I'm saying this, Adele down on the farm. Yep. Just equated someone to Adele. Then again, Cee Lo said she is "a young Einstein of some sort." Cee Lo and I were feeling extra generous tonight. She was good, but she did some squeaky stuff with her voice that was a little much. George's sound was incredibly clear. Adam and Blake addressed a note that George knowingly botched. I didn't notice it, but I also didn't notice that I had my sweater on inside out all day. George was visibly upset at himself, but no matter: Cee Lo chose him over Juhi. Adam stole Juhi, George was ecstatic for his ex-teammate, and my sweater is now right side out.

TEAM BLAKE

Austin Jenckes vs. Brian Pounds, "To Love Somebody": Brian said the smartest thing anyone has ever said on this show: "When Cher talks, you listen." The two dudes had very cool voices, but Austin's voice was slightly more unique. He did a couple of impressive runs that showed off his raspy range, so I understood when Blake went with Austin. No steals for Brian, however. Sad sad sad.

TEAM ADAM

James Irwin vs. Matt Cermanski, "Counting Stars": ATTACK OF THE PRETTIES. This was an okay performance, but I could overlook that because James's voice was so gorgeous. It was a fairly easy choice for me, and I wasn't surprised when Adam chose James. Matt didn't nab a steal, and I was bummed for him.

TEAM XTINA

Destinee Quinn vs. Lina Gaudenzi, "Not Ready To Make Nice": Ooh, do I love that Dixie Chicks song. And this round was ATTACK OF THE PRETTIES, part deux. I didn't care who won because both of them did this song RIGHT. Well, not as right as Xtina did it during the rehearsals. Man, Xtina. I almost forgot who sang that song originally. Almost. Both ladies sounded super beautiful, they looked super beautiful, and the whole thing was wholly unfair to the rest of us super regular people. I preferred Lina (only slightly), but Xtina picked Destinee. As if I don't love Team Adam enough, Mr. Levine stole Lina.

TEAM ADAM

James Wolpert vs. Will Champlin, "Radioactive": James and Will sounded great together. This could've gone too bro-rock, but I liked this performance. I don't like the song, so I didn't think I would like the battle, but I liked the battle. See? I'm open-minded. Their voices meshed well. Sometimes, they sounded like the same person while still maintaining the dynamic qualities of their own voices. It was neat. I thought it was either guy's match. James took the win, but Xtina swooped in with an incredibly last-second steal.

NON-CHER HIGHLIGHT OF THE EVENING

Xtina reacted like a cartoon to a mosquito/fly/winged creature, and I empathized. The other day, I battled two enormous june bugs in my apartment, and I screamed and gagged throughout the entire ordeal. Was nice to see goddess Xtina freak out over an insect, too.

CHER QUOTE OF THE NIGHT

"Wait a minute. I've got denim at my house. Let me just run home."--In regards to Austin and Brian's matching denim outfits. I need a tour of Cher's denim collection, because you KNOW it's a collection.

Image: NBC