It is never not shocking to me when I meet an adult human I respect and trust who does not know what a shower beer is. Here, real quick, I'll explain. A shower beer is pretty simple: it's a beer you drink while in the shower. Related: other beverages are fully fair game to sip while showering, such as coffee, wine, seltzer, etc. However, shower beer is the proper term and classic image. To be clear, this is a special, celebratory indulgence and shouldn't happen on a daily basis. (At least not in the morning ... I don't know your life, but that seems a safe line to draw.) How do you know when this specific day calls for a shower beer?
Shower beer is essentially the pinnacle of multitasking. It's next-level relaxation. It's a holy fusion of hot and cold. Also, the freedom it grants to slurp sloppily (um, you're already wet and in the shower, so) is nothing to wag a finger at. Plus the image itself is sexy as hell: the glass bottle forming beads of condensation, yet remaining cool enough to provide 100 percent refreshment between your shampoo-rinse and conditioning treatment application. Seriously, what else are you supposed to do in there besides clean yourself and guzzle something fizzy and boozey? Plan your life? HAVE SEX? LOL, nice try. Here's how to tell the day necessitates a shower beer:
You Had A Great Day Today
You Had A Bad Day Today
... But at least a shower beer is good!
Your Crush Texted First Today
Swaaag. This is worth a little solitary jubilee.
You Paid A Bill Before It Was Due Today
What an adult! Enjoy an adult beverage while getting your scrub on.
You Called Your Mom Today
She'd be proud of such a choice, TBH.
You Successfully Got Out Of Your Social Obligations Today
And clearly this is the perfect precursor to the Friends marathon followed by turning in early.
You Still Have To Go Out Even Though You're Already Home Today
One of the only ways I know that effectively helps you keep steam leave the house and function socially when you'd much prefer to stay in.
You Slipped Into Your Skinny Jeans Without Catching On A Hangnail Today
::hair flip:: Now high-five the falling shower water with a frosty brew.
Your Nails Look Great Today
They'd look great alternately clutching a loofah and a tall-boy, too.
You Didn't Get Mad At Stupid Rush Hour Traffic Today
Keep this zen train chugging. Namaste.
You Had A Real Win On Instagram Today
You knew buying that juicer wasn't for nothing! Time to guzzle the anti-juice because, well, you were healthy earlier. It cancels out, surely.
You Got Your Inbox Down To Zero Today
Truly, this calls for possibly two shower beers. Also, tell me your secret.
You Did At Least Five Crunches Today
Time to recharge! With a decent ale and exfoliator!
You've Been Outside A Lot Today
"A lot" is open to interpretation, natch. Still, it's vital to cool off.
You Learned Some Good News Today
You Learned Some Bad News Today
This oughta soften the blow some.
You Decided It's Hot Outside Today
It'd be biologically wise for you to cool off, obviously.
You Bought A Fresh Six Pack Today
It's almost as if fate demands this to happen!
You Have Seasonal Allergies Today
Pair this with some nice, floaty anti-histamines and let's party*. *breath like a normal human
You Have 40 Minutes To Kill Before Your Delivery Dinner Arrives Today
Do other ways to spend this time exist? If so, I don't want to know.
You're Terrified Of What The Future Holds Today
Images: Fotolia; Giphy (10)