Look, guys, I know a lot about medical stuff. I watched all ten seasons of Scrubs, including that awkward spin-off tenth season that I mostly spent distracted by the blatant sex of Dave Franco's eyebrows. I briefly even aspired to go to medical school to find the Turk to my J.D., but after looking at the gruesome pictures of anonymous medical cases shared on the app Figure 1 — which is basically like Instagram for doctors — I've decided it's probably for the best that I ultimately stuck with my (ever-so-useful) psychology major. It turns out the human body is all kinds of gross, and I'm not exaggerating even in the slightest on this. Like, fair warning, if you are at all squeamish or have eaten food in oh, say, the last ten years of your life, you may not want to scroll down any further into this article.
Figure 1 is a free app that is meant to be a resource for medical professionals to share findings, open dialogues about their cases, and connect with other doctors, but (un)fortunately for us, it's also available to the public. The app goes to great lengths to protect the anonymity of its patients, and verifies the actual medical professionals going through the case portals, so everything we see on it is one hundred percent real.
MORE WARNINGS in case you are as distraction prone as I am, and you ignored my first one: THIS IS SUPER GROSS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION (and a steel stomach).
"Gastrocutaneous fistula" is obviously my new superhero name, NBD. It's actually a surgical complication that is pretty rare, and that's what's handy about an app like this, because it lets other doctors weigh in around the world.
I mean, yeah, it's a little disconcerting that occasionally doctors on this are all, "IDK, Steve, what do you think?" about our mortal wounds, but also comforting that they're getting second, third, and bajillionth opinions on it.
THAT IS A THING THAT CAN GROW INSIDE YOU. (No complaining about the grossness, YOU WERE TWICE CAUTIONED.)
This is also a thing that can happen to your foot. Count your blessings, y'all, because I saw so many pictures of shredded up leg bonanzas in the last twenty minutes of my life that I dutifully decided to spare all of you from. You may think you've seen stuff on Grey's Anatomy, but trust me, you haven't seen THE stuff.
Um, OUCH. Maybe it was a coincidence, but almost every single broken bone post I stumbled on whilst scrolling through this carnage was from someone falling off a horse. So ... don't piss off a horse this year.
At least this one has a happy ending? Awwww. (Kind of.)
THAT'S WHAT YOUR BOWEL LOOKS LIKE WHEN IT IS OUTSIDE OF YOU. Let's hope your bowel never has to be outside of you, basically, because yikes.
Really, though, this is just a testament to how fearless doctors and nurses have to be when they are taking responsibility for the super gross and terrible things that happen to the rest of the human race. Go fist bump a medical professional today. They earned it.
Images: Getty Images; Figure 1(7)
