Three Preteen Girls Cover Metallica So Perfectly, And In Other News, I'd Like To Redo My Middle School Years, Please — VIDEO

Life as a preteen girl is very hard and very weird. I celebrated my middle school years mastering the tricky navigation of Kazaa and plucking my eyebrows into shapes that resemble birds flying in the faraway distance. Clearly, this isn't a universal experience (although I'd wager most of you feel me on some level regarding the brow battle). A band of preteen sisters covered Metallica, clearly taking a much grittier, more metal approach to weathering the unholy world of tweendom. These girls are everything I wished I could've been at that age, meaning they are anything other than a hot, awkward mess. I even bet if these dark-haired girls were so bold as to tango with a bottle of Sun-In (despite their mother's warnings), their hair wouldn't even come out looking orange. That's how cool they are.

The Mexico-based band is called The Warning, which seems fitting since surely the best/toughest is yet to come from these gals. They don't exactly look like they're about to throw down some fiery licks—so it's all the more exciting when that's exactly what they do. That's not to say their outfits are not on point because they definitely are, right down to their sparkling footwear. Paulina (drums) and Daniela (guitar) lean into their respective mics to growl in surprising baritone. They are perfect humans, basically. And the oldest member, Dany, is only 14, while bassist Alejandra is the youngest at only nine years old. She is nine! I am 27, and I could never hope to pound on a bass the way Ale manages. Without sound, you cannot fathom the speed at which your face is about to melt:

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Check out their take on Metallica's "Enter Sandman":

The Warning on YouTube

Ready to shred to a Warning original? Here's "Exterminated":

The Warning on YouTube

Sheeeeesh. One more original. This one's called "Take Me Down":

The Warning on YouTube

And in closing, a classic from Ozzy Osbourne's solo debut. Behold, The Warning taking on "Crazy Train":

The Warning on YouTube

Doesn't everything suddenly seem more just and right in our world? We have the metal gods to thank for that. And The Warning, obvs.

Images: The Warning/YouTube (2)