Is there anyone who watched Veronica Mars and didn't come out of it believing that Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls were the perfect couple? It's just one of those undeniable truths, like the fact that Keith Mars is an amazing father, and Veronica Mars is who we all wish we could be. Logan wasn't the first, nor was he the last, of Veronica's love interests on the show, but he was the fan favorite because of how messed up he was, how messed up Veronica was, and how they came together so perfectly despite that. I mean, talk about your tornado meeting a volcano, am I right? Am I right?
However, above all the other reasons to fall madly in love with Logan, the top thing on my list is how funny he was. Veronica was the queen of snark, but Logan had a way of meeting her every step of the way. Their conversations were hilarious, their individual scenes were hilarious, and they both had a tendency to use snark and sarcasm to cover their feelings that made me just want to wrap them up in a hug. Duncan could not keep up. Piz could not keep up. (Hannah didn't have a prayer. Lilly Kane came close, but not close enough.)
So, let's take this moment to honor Logan by reflecting on some of his funniest lines, because this was just one of the many ways in which he and Veronica were meant to be. There's a reason their 'ship name is LoVe.
"Ah, you have that 'I'd rather be making out with a broken bottle' look. Which if history serves, means you're about to say something awkward."
I mean, I don't know about you, but my awkward face doesn't make me look like I'd rather be making out with a broken bottle. Or does it? Sadly, I don't have a Logan in my life to make such witty observations of my facial expressions. (Although, according to Veronica, that was actually her, "I'd rather be spelunking," look. Sorry, Logan.)
"You have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something, I don't know."
Coming from the same guy who spent the Pilot smashing Veronica's headlights in, this was a truly heartwarming moment. I mean, there's being dead to Logan and then there's evaporating into thin air. Or, in this case, being so dead to Logan that you may as well evaporate into thin air. Leave it to Logan to make us smile for two different reasons with a single line.
"I got it. No calling you Bobcat, no talk of milky thighs."
Is Logan the kind of guy you want to bring home to meet your parents? Not exactly. But maybe if he avoids these two things, he might be half-way presentable... maybe. OK, probably not.
"Sometimes I'm up all night, just thinkin' about myself."
This would be sheer arrogance on his part if I didn't still stay up all night sometimes, just thinking about Logan. Even eight years after the series actually ended. I might have a problem here.
"Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?" / "'Anthropomorphic.' All yours, big guy."
Instead of telling the principal to have a sentence, Logan was kind enough to help broaden his vocabulary. There were even hand gestures involved. He really is an inspiration to us all.
"Frankly, my dear... you know the rest."
When it comes to famous quotes, Logan isn't going to waste our time with ones that we've heard over and over again. I mean, we do know the rest.
"Annoy, tiny blonde one. Annoy like the wind!"
I'm not going to lie. This is the most apt description of the whirlwind that is Veronica Mars, going right up there with "Mars Wan Kenobi." Would that I myself were tiny and blonde, so that I too could annoy like the wind.
"My day is complete. Veronica Mars has accused me of evil."
To be fair, all through Season 1, you could hardly find a day on which Logan did not deserve to be accused of evil. Whether it was the general evil of his existence, or his involvement in an actual crime that Veronica was investigating, he was the kind of person who just radiated evil. Sometimes in the hot way. OK, mostly in the hot way.
"I'm not going to see you for a week. That's, like, a month."
In teenager time, it's practically a year, Veronica.
"Logan, can we, like, borrow you?" / "Will I be returned in my current pristine condition?"
Spoiler alert: he was not returned in his current pristine condition, because Logan was not then nor has he ever been "pristine."
"Well first, I'd just like to say the other, uh, nominees are all such wonderfully gifted criminals. And I wanna thank my agent and my publicist for always shooting me from the left side."
Only Logan Echolls could treat a police line up like he's being given an academy award. I mean, it's like he doesn't even care that he's about to be singled out in a murder trial. Who does he think he is?
"Nice car. God, it must've been a huge cereal box."
I don't think Veronica has to take that from a man who used to drive a bright yellow Xterra (bright yellow, Logan?) — but, then again, her car wasn't exactly top-of-the-line. Either way, Logan is hilarious and I'm sure we're all grateful that the Veronica Mars movie brought the two greatest snarkers on the show back together.
Image: UPN; bmarsecholls/Tumblr (12)