When it comes to loving and dating creative people, the reality usually lives up to the expectation — for better or for worse. We creative people (whether that means someone who is creative for a living, like me, or just identifies that way by nature) are at the apex of romantic human types. We invented the damn game. We're intuitive and aesthetically aware; we're mindful and soft. We can write poetry about our coffee in the morning (even if we're too cool for something that cheesy, which I am not). Creative people are the ones with whom you will build the biggest, brightest love you've ever imagined, that will blind the people around you with its awesomeness. But the brutal reality is that, despite this, we're somehow also the most difficult people to actually get into relationships with, and sometimes even more challenging to stay in a happy relationship with. So here, the 15 reasons why creative people are the best and hardest people to love — and hardest people to fall in love with.
We would rather idealize our lives than actually live them
After the high of being newly infatuated burns through, you're left with the nitty-gritty, uninspiring reality of everyday life, even in the most perfect relationship. Creative people tend to be idealists in that they inherently dislike this. We believe (and refuse to accept anything less than) life to be breathlessly beautiful, interesting, and compelling, and sometimes, even if a relationship initially meets these standards, we won't always stick around to see if that will be the case down the line.
We frequently commit to the wrong people, and walk away from the right ones
Being romantic and wanting to be inspired by the person you're dating doesn't always mean you end up in the healthiest, best relationships. In fact, some of the qualities of relationships that are most harmful for the people in them — drama, game-playing, cheating, or worse — can be the most creatively fulfilling. It's not that all creative people are self-destructive, or that none of us end up with awesome people (actually, that is where most of us end up, luckily), but before we do, we likely spent way too much time with people who were bad for us because they kept us creatively stimulated.
We can come across as uninterested, even when we really are
We're always a little lost in our own technicolor worlds – we're always busy, and always curious, and always so entertained with our minds that even when we want to be in a relationship, we also want a bunch of other things just as much (and sometimes the relationship thing doesn't win out).
We need to be alone more than most people do
And at first, it can be really hard to differentiate between "we need to be alone" and "we want to get away from you." This is just a component of who we are and what we need, and it really has nothing to do with you, but that doesn't mean it's easy to get used to. The upside is that it can honestly result in having a way healthier amount of space in the relationship, which benefits everyone in it.
We're deeper than your average pond (and not always in an endearing way)
Highly creative people, most of the time, originally begin their self-expression as a means of self-healing. That is to say, a lot of us have a lot of inner turmoil that fuels our work. (And, to be fair, a lot of us don't have any inner turmoil.) The more you get to know us, the more these depths will surface, and from there, you'll have to navigate how much of that will inevitably carry over into thef relationship.
Anything that stays the same for too long can feel stifling to us — including relationships
So we may avoid that at any costs. We'll date someone, grow to care for them, maybe even commit to something steady, but not often. Not unless it's The One. The Absolute Right No Joke Definitely For Sure One, and you don't always know someone is The One right away! In fact, very few people know that right away. Just "dating" a creative person can be tricky: They're unlikely to make a lot of time for you if they don't think you could be the ~love of their life~ and it's not always possible to know that at first.
We have a tendency to flirt more than the average person
A side product of our slightly more open, friendly, complex personalities is that we fully commit to every interaction we're having with someone, which can often come off as flirting or being romantically interested.
When you first meet one of us, this can be annoying because you think, "Are they flirting with me or is this just how they speak to everyone?" And then later in the relationship, it becomes annoying because you think, "Are they flirting with that person in front of me or is that just how they speak to everyone?" The unpredictability of creative people can be so wonderful, but it can also make you a little crazy during your more insecure moments (which we all have sometimes).
We're neurologically hardwired to over-think
Studies have shown that the part of the brain that lights up for creativity is also the part that controls rumination and self-awareness. Essentially, you'll be dating a bona fide over-thinker with a probable side case of lingering insecurity. (Good luck.)
Our intense introspection usually brings about some general dissatisfaction
Our lens on our world is such that we tend to be acutely aware of our dissatisfactions and unfulfilled desires. Even though we use this to push us toward what we want – and as an inspiration for our art – feeling as though your normal, everyday life isn't good enough for the person you love (whether that's true or not) can take its toll.
We'll always be moved by our creative passions just as much, if not a little more, than they are by our relationships
You aren't the only priority in our lives, and while that's totally understandable and fine, it can be mildly off-putting every once in a while, when our latest painting or short story or song seems more interesting than you, especially when you're saying something brilliant, or look especially amazing, or accomplished something big at work. (Note: it's not that our creative work is more important than you, just that it might seem that way.)
We have a tendency to be... a bit dramatic
Creative people see and feel things bigger than most. It's what makes us able to express those thoughts and feelings through art. It's awesome. But it also means we have to house those bigger-than-normal feelings about ourselves, our lives, or whatever small issue is bothering us on any given day. It can be hard to get close with someone when you feel as though they're perpetually making more of something than it is.
We're inherently guarded, and our walls don't come down swiftly or easily
A lot of creative people are sensitive and want to protect that sensitivity, so diving into a new relationship with one of us will take a lot of "testing the water," which will look like months of undefined, frustrating "friendship," an aversion to commitment in general, and lots of questions about who you are. (Don't worry — it's worth it to get through those walls.)
We're dreamers who are endlessly preoccupied with the future
Creative people are sometimes more compelled by ideas about the world than what actually exists. We're naturally geared toward what can be made, changed, and created, as opposed to what already is there. While this is probably the most admirable of our traits, it's also the most debilitating, as the reality of intimate relationships is that they're not always summer fever dreams, but that doesn't mean they are things that need to be "fixed" and "changed" either. They usually just need to be grown and enjoyed with patience, and that's not something a lot of creative people are great at.
We abhor "normalcy"
So even when we agree to date or begin a relationship, we're either going to want to take it painfully slow or much, much too fast... just anything that isn't the average, ordinary "let's see where it goes!" approach that most people take.
We desire love more than anything else
But often get too lost in our own minds to effectively see it through to a relationship. It's the source of a lot of our frustration (and ultimately, yours as well). Even when you know we care, and know we're interested, sometimes we won't be able to get far enough out of our own worries and fears and hang-ups to actually try. But when you can make it work, there's no one who will love you more fully, and more uniquely, than us.
Images: Nathan Congleton/Flickr; Giphy (7)