Guess Who Might Be Getting a Book Deal?

Rebecca Martinson, better known as the deranged sorority member responsible for the profanity-heavy email that went viral last spring, is writing a novel. And she’s probably going to get a book deal. Allow me and the other 80 gazillion millennials all dreaming of becoming novelists a moment here to scream our literary fury at the void.

The book will be coauthored with the author of White Girl Problems, Babe Walker, and who knows what it will actually be about. But it’s being shopped around by the agent who also represents Tucker Max. So I’m sure it will be super duper classy. So. Very. Sure.

I'm especially convinced since the stand-out example of Martinson’s writing begins with an order to her sisters to “tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.” And from there she goes on to berate her sisters and overuse the word “literally,” producing such gems along the way as:

“punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.”

And

“Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES.”

And

“Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow”

And the perennial favorite:

“I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.”

Imagine a whole book of this stuff! We won't read it, of course. Of course not, because that would be supporting the above crazy. Except we probably will, because crazy people can be very entertaining – just look at Charlie Sheen.

Let’s just hope Martinson doesn't pick her own title: