There were preview clips drifting around the Internet of Anna Kendrick and John Krasinski's epic showdown on Lip Sync Battle before it even aired Thursday night on Spike, so I thought I knew what was coming. But as I learned within 30 seconds of seeing the full version, I had no idea. NO. IDEA. AT ALL. I don't usually worry about celebrities, because it seems like they have a lot of stuff going for them, but I'm getting genuinely stressed that someone's going to hurt themselves going all-out for this show.
It started out normally enough, with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson doing a Taylor Swift song, which was enough to make him stand out in that first week, but now it's already escalated all the way to Anne Hathaway jumping onto an actual wrecking ball mid-performance, Krasinski pulling off his tearaway pants, and cameos by Jennifer Lopez. Where can we possibly go from here??
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm talking about this performance like you've seen it, and that's impossible, because if you had, you wouldn't be at your computer right now, you'd be at the airport getting ready to fly to wherever Kendrick is and kiss her feet. Her performance of Lopez's "Booty" is that good. Let's take a look at the best moments.
Krasinski sang "Proud Mary" by Diana Ross, and had that spoken word part at the beginning nailed. It was pretty impressed, back at the beginning of the video at least, before Kendrick had blown me away.
And Krasinski gets one more screen shot in here, just by virtue of wearing tear-away pants over a silver flapper dress. But you're on borrowed time here, my friend.
Just look at Kendrick's reaction to Krasinski's costume change. She's like, "Oh sweet sweet boy, that's a beautiful dress, but this will never be enough to beat me."
And Krasinski's face! You're in big trouble, buddy.
Oh did I mention there's an entire CHOREOGRAPHED DANCE?
You can look through this entire video frame by frame — I dare you — and this girl will never NOT be giving fierce face.
Just look at this. You've gotta be kidding me.
Oh and when she PUT A LITTLE STANK ON IT.
Finding your light is one thing, but finding your hair-blowing fan is quite another. This cannot be real.
THE RAP SECTION. WITH ALL THE LEGS ON BUTTS!!!!!
Oh did you bring JENNIFER LOPEZ HERSELF onstage with you? I can't. I'm dead. I'm done. Goodnight, you win forever.
Images: Lip Sync Battle On Spike/YouTube