Fall Out Boy's "Uma Thurman" Music Video Includes Some Amazing Moments & A Lot Of Career Suggestions — VIDEO

Be still my bleeding former-emo-kid heart — Fall Out Boy's music video for "Uma Thurman," is here, and it's proof they're still going strong. The song will have you wondering what exactly it means to, and I quote, "dance like Uma Thurman, bury me 'til I confess," while the video will have you wondering what the life of a Fall Out Boy assistant is really like.

For clarification: In the new music video, a "fan" (read: actress) wins a fake contest in which she gets to be Fall Out Boy's assistant for the day. (It's sort of like those Bud Light Super Bowl commercials in which someone who is "Up for whatever" can have the chance to play life-size Pac Man.) The only difference here is that there's a lot about being a Fall Out Boy assistant that kinda sucks: In the video a female assistant goes to the gym and can't do a pull-up without the assistance of a big strong man. She also gets to follow another one of the fellas around a pool with a giant fan to keep him cool. Honestly, I get that it's supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but it mostly comes across as a little dated and lame.

Thankfully they do redeem themselves with a few super awesome gigs. Still, at the end of the day, I wouldn't want to work for these guys... except for Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump, they seem all right.

Here are the best and worst jobs from "Uma Thurman":


Walking a Zebra

So long as it's being humanely kept and cared for.

Singing Karaoke

A job that might require tequila is a job worth having.

Driving a Dune Buggy With Pete Wentz

For America!

Covering Patrick in Chicks and Bunnies

How can I apply specifically to this and this alone?

Flight Simulators With Pete Wentz

He's not like a regular dad, he's a cool dad!

Crushing Stuff in a Tank

Because I'm proud to be an American...


Playing Paint Ball

Unless you're Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You , I have no time for this.

Being Judged at the Gym

Working out with this guy is my nightmare.

Whatever Is Going On Here

This guy and his Cecil Terwilliger hair needs to go.

Reading an Algebra Book Out Loud

Hard pass.

Riding a Mechanical Bull With Pete Wentz

I'm too old for that. It would kill my back.

Feeding the Drummer a Carrot by Hand


Carting in Breakfast for Everyone

They better give her ALL THE MIMOSAS.

See the whole video here:

FallOutBoyVEVO on YouTube

Images: FallOutBoyVEVO/YouTube (13)