There are many things to know about dating a wino. Besides the fact that wine lovers are more sophisticated than you are. Just kidding! Winos are just as trashy and silly as the rest of us. They just have purple teeth. No, no, no, that’s not true! As long as dental health is a priority in their lives you will never encounter purple teeth (unless you’re in Europe). There are so many benefits of drinking wine, and wine lovers (aka winos) are very passionate about their magical mystical grape drink.
Unlike your average drinker who seeks nothing more than to get a light buzz (or full blown drunk) going, a wine lover enjoys savoring their drink allowing the lush warm buzz slip over them like fuzzy blanket. Rather than let’s say a hammer to the head like a dirty martini. However contrary to popular opinion, wine lovers are not all uptight snooty types. Winos like to have fun and let loose too! They just don’t want to lose their dignity doing it. In other words, wine lovers are a different breed of a drinker. So if you’re dating one, (male or female) there are a few things you should know.
1. They Will Look Young Forever
Just like a vampire. OK fine, not forever but if they’re drinking enough red wine they may look pretty damn good. That’s because red wine contains resveratrol, a compound found in grapes which has been connected with possibly protecting cells from damage, neutralizing free radicals and therefore acting as an all-around kick ass antioxidant. In other words, your partner will have fewer wrinkles. The jury is still out on this one, but as wino myself I am choosing to believe this one.
2. They Prefer Bars That Serve Good Wine Only
While the dive bar is OK every now and then (or perhaps just with your friends), your wine loving-partner might not be so stoked. Think about it. When’s the last time you had a decent wine at a dive bar? That’s right you didn’t! Because chances are the bottle costs all of $3 and it’s been open for 147 years. In other words, it tastes like vinegar. You might as well take a vegetarian to a steakhouse.
3. Sometimes They Have Purple Tongues
Red wine has a nasty habit of staining everything, so if you’re dating a European you may very well end up with someone who has purple teeth, (I lived in Europe so I can vouch for this. Sorry Euros! I love you, but dental hygiene isn’t one of your strong points). If not, then you may encounter a purple tongue every now and then from the copious amounts of red wine they drink. But hey, that’s nothing a little gum and a swish can’t solve.
4. Red Wine Drinkers Are Super Chill
So if you think your wino is going to be all uptight while you’re trying to watch the game, think again! Red wine drinkers are the more relaxed of wine drinkers (not to mention more educated and happier in their relationships) while white wine drinkers love the status quo. So they aren’t in any rush to shake things up. Either way that equals = super duper chillaxed.
5. Wine Lovers DO Like To Have Fun Too
One of my wino friends once organized a superhero jello-wrestling contest. Another one of my wine-loving gals once jetted off to Ireland for the weekend just for sh*ts and giggles. Just because someone likes wine, does not mean they just want to spend all their time discussing the ins and outs of fermentation in a snooty voice. On the contrary, us winos often just like the taste and the happy far off-lands that wine takes us to. Beer takes too damn long to give you a buzz and it makes you burp. Hard liquor is hardly drinkable on a regular basis. But wine? Wine hits the spot.
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