I never shared the growing pain anxieties of the other girls in my fourth grade class — although I'm a woman with small cleavage, it was just never a hangup for me. While everyone was impatiently dragging their moms to stores and picking out white training bras, I was happy enough to have one less thing to put on that morning. Then as girls started filling out, proudly taking off their shirts in the gym locker rooms, I was happy in my blatant naivety over wanting the female form. It was like getting armpit hair. Pretty cool as a right of passage, and then nothing but an inconvenience immediately after.
I never really filled out, finally upgrading from an A cup to a B cup somewhere during my last year of college. And while I was made fun of — both affectionately and with bite — that I was flat chested, had mosquito bites, or little tangerines, it never really offended me. I, bafflingly, liked my little cleavage. It was just me and the girls, unassuming but packing punches when we needed to. And while some would try to convince me of the lures of padded and water bras, I just frowned at the nonsense of it all.
My little mosquito bites were hot in their own right; I didn’t have to go stuffing socks down there and giving myself an identity crisis. I had reasons to love my small cleavage. And what’s more, having little cleavage came with its perks (pardon the pun). Below, nine reasons why small-boobed women should be quite happy with what they’re sporting, and why you should love your cleavage, too, if you're part of our club:
1. We Can Go Braless
Honestly, we should just stop the list here. If this isn’t reason enough to rejoice over your small-cleavage situation, then I don’t know what is. Most of us start unhooking our bras the second the apartment door gets pushed open and the shoes start coming off. Hell, I start unhooking mine on the train ride back. As pretty and as life-saving as some of those bras are, at the end of the day they’re contraptions. Contraptions that make it their life purpose to annoy us come 5:00 p.m.
When you’re sporting small cleavage, you can pretty much get away with free-boobing it almost anytime. I can count how many times I’ve worn a bra during winter on one hand, and I never had to learn what a cutlet was and how to make it stick. With black magic, I'm assuming? Think of that next time you get down on your faithful A-cups.
2. We Can Choose Bras According To Prettiness, Not Functionality
I’ve never had to choose a bra that served any real purpose. Other then making sure that my situation stayed G-rated when the air condition got turned on in the office, I never had to hunt down something that would keep me up, secure, and perky. No thick straps or uncomfortable underwires made it into my collection and, instead, I get to focus on all that’s pink and lacy, and just a wisp of cloth. So that’s one thing to be thankful for.
3. We Can Buy Cheap Bathing Suits
For whatever reason, all my friends are pretty much gorgeous Sophia Vergara types. They’re curvy madonnas with cleavage that even I can’t help but check out from time to time. But while I can shop at cheap wholesale websites and get $10 flirty bikinis, they have to shell out a cool $150 to get a piece with support and strength. We both end up looking amazing while sunbathing on the beach, but I can afford so many more popsicles than they can with my savings. Which is an absolute win.
4. Bras Don’t Ruin Our Outfits
You know how it is: Some dresses have delicate strapped shoulders and summer-inspired open backs. Or some tanks are cut low and meant to be wonderfully casual and rumpled. And when you have a bra running across it all, it ruins not only the mood but the look. Sometimes a piece calls for you to go braless, but not everyone can manage that request. But when you have a small chest, well, you don't need to give it a second thought, do you?
5. Low Cut Shirts Are Just A Way Of Life
Usually when a woman dons a low-cut shirt, it’s for an occasion. You’re going somewhere special, somewhere different, where you want that sharp plunge to give a little summin-summin to your look. But when you have small cleavage, unless that plunge is to your belly button a la J. Lo circa 2000, it doesn’t quite carry the same effect as a beautifully filled out woman. While that can be frustrating at times it can also be incredibly amazing. No style of shirt or dress is off-bars for you, because you can pretty much make anything work for a casual weekday. So go on, wear the low cut dress to the library of farmers market — no one's going to be scandalized.
6. No “Hey Buddy, My Eyes Are Up Here” Moments
Unless he’s checking out your necklace, there’s no real reason for a fellow’s gaze to wander down while he’s chatting you up at a bar. Which makes it a little easier to gauge if he’s interested in you because you’re hilarious and interesting (because you are), or if he’s just attracted to you on a physical level. Also on that note, you don’t attract as many lecherous guys because they don’t have as much to... lecher at.
7. If Your Swimsuit Falls Off, No One Will Care
You're at the beach, a wave you weren't prepared for hits you, and you bounce back up as naked as the day you were born. Everyone will just be like, “Aww, look at that cute boy with the speedo! Is that a floral print? Go him for being in touch with his feminine side.”
So there's that.
8. Buying Shirts Is A Breeze
No ruching, no buttons struggling to stay closed, no awkward bulging or uni-boob battles. All you have to do is get it over your head and judge if you like the color or pattern. Easy. We lead such simple lives.
9. Droop Free
You have nothing that can droop, therefore gravity can’t claim you. Take that physics. So while your friends are cursing the slight sag to their girls and reminiscing about those perky college days, you can be the annoying one that just smiles pitifully. Looks like the Itty Bitty Titty Committee just became the new exclusive club in town, ey? We knew our day would come.
Images: Author's Own; Giphy