Man Tries To Kill Pregnant Wolf Spider, Unleashes Hundreds Of Arachnid Babies In His Home, And You Should Definitely Not Watch This — VIDEO

If you have any sort of feelings about spiders, please take this opportunity to bail from this post before it haunts the rest of your waking life. Some poor guy accidentally unleashed a plague of baby spiders after trying to kill their mom with a broom, which you’re evidently not supposed to do by default (presumably for this very reason). Believe me when I say that when you see this video, you will absolutely feel like you have things crawling on you. If fact, allow this post to become your new glitter-bombing. Send it to everyone who’s fallen out of your favor. Send it to the worst people you know. Send it to Ted Cruz. Send it to those spider babies. Make them look into the horrifying face of what they are and feel our anguish at watching them scatter.

Why, you may be wondering, are we so afraid of arachnids? Because we’re built that way, according to a recent report. Our ancestors were able to identify that spiders could be dangerous and lethal, and much in the way that we developed an aversion to snakes, we developed a survival trait that warns us that they’re terrifying. Realistically, most house spiders are harmless to humans, but you’re not alone if they still send a shiver down your back.

So how do you get rid of one? Maybe as a general rule of thumb, if a spider looks like it could be pregnant (YEAH, LIKE I'M GONNA GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO DEDUCE THAT), don’t do what this guy did.

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According to the Smithsonian, if you absolutely must kill a spider (which, yes), they suggest fire as an alternative method to playing a desperate game of Whac-A-Mole. Do not do this. I REPEAT: Do not use the fire method. One quick Google search will turn up all of the ways this is a terrible idea. Instead, suggests the Smithsonian, put it in the freezer (they suggest it’s more humane). If you’re an actual saint, the catch-and-release method works too.

Best of luck sleeping tonight.

That Broom on YouTube

Images: Getty Images; YouTube