Mermaid School Is A Thing Because Sure, Why Not

by Kat George

So I need someone to fund my tuition to try out mermaid school, which apparently is a very real thing. Because really, Ariel had it all wrong. Girl, it's us landlubbers that want to be part of YOUR world. Darling, it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me! At mermaid school, you will learn how to move underwater like a mermaid. By the looks of it, women start with flippers on their ankles, and practice until they're ready to progress to a full-blown tail. And what tails! Big, shiny, and beautifully colored, it's easy to see the appeal of mermaid school. It's very realistic.

When I was a kid, my friend Anne and I used to go to the local public pool, and in the kiddie section there was some big fake rocks, and we'd sit on them and cross our legs at the ankles and pretend we were mermaids. Then we'd pretend dive into the water like mermaids, and try to swim with our ankles still together. It's harder than it looks. If I had known about mermaid school then (if it even existed back then anyway), I would have begged my parents to send me to that instead of stupid computer class.

In case you're not completely convinced, here's some more evidence that mermaid school is possibly the best kind of school that exists:

Mermaid school will make you feel "like a Goddess" (according to this student on a beach in the Philippines)

It will give you "sparkles to be happy" (according to this Canadian mermaid school)

It's like water yoga for a full body exercise

It doesn't matter if you're a kid, a grown up a man or a woman, being a mermaid is for everyone!