Jiff the Pomeranian is famous. He's been in a Katy Perry video and Target ads, he has over 1.3 million followers on Instagram and Facebook. He is also allegedly a dog. Like, they are playing him off as an actual, hand-to-God dog that barks and sleeps in a dog bed, eats dog food, and can't speak human languages. You know, dog stuff. But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am not fooled, and I sense you aren't either. Because how can Jiff be a real dog? We are smarter than that, you guys. There is no way this is an actual dog. A lot of people have commented on the fact that Jiff looks like an adorable stuffed animal that a fairy waved a wand over and it became real. Maybe things didn't happen in those exact terms, but I'm sure that's the general sentiment. It would be tempting to subscribe to this theory, but I have a better one. The truth about Jiff. Are you ready for this? You should probably sit down, because I'm about to blow your goddamn mind.
Jiff is a very small human who wears the world's most adorable dog costume that he made himself. I'm guessing his name is probably actually Jeff, but I can't confirm that at this juncture. But my evidence for him being a human is pretty solid.
Jiff the "Dog" Eats Human Food
I mean, when's the last time you saw a dog order a latte? Never. You've never seen that.
Jiff the "Dog" Wears Human Clothes
This last one in particular is a dead giveaway. Why would a dog, who already has adorable little ears that stick up, wear a hoodie with such ears? Because this is not a dog. This is a human in a dog costume trying too hard. Not hard enough to fool me, Jeff the Human.
Jiff the "Dog" Can Read
Obviously reading here with Neil Patrick Harris, who, incidentally, is too adorable to be a human, so I suspect he's a really precious dog in a human suit.
Jiff the "Dog" Is So Good At Walking On Two Legs He Actually Holds a World Record
I mean open your damn eyes, people! He's obviously good at this because he is a naturally bipedal man!
Jeff: I am so on to you, and I will not rest until the whole world knows the truth.