If you ever find yourself on a date with Jake Gyllenhaal, first, give yourself a pat on the back, because you've simultaneously gotten leaps and bounds closer to both Taylor Swift and touching tongues with everyone's celebrity crush. Well done you! But if the evening isn't going well, and you want to try turning the tide with mild negging, consider bringing up the fact that Jake Gyllenhaal used to be in a boy band. If nothing else, you'll get to watch his face turn every shade of red in the whole damn rainbow over his bowl of Muscle Milk and diamonds (what do celebrities eat?). Sure, negging is bad and mean and only works on reality shows, but it feels like a shame to let a nugget of information like this go to waste.
It was revealed to us during a fateful interview with Ellen DeGeneres that airs today, to promote Gyllenhaal's upcoming film Southpaw, in which he plays a ripped boxer. Ellen was talking about how busy he is — always putting on or taking off weight, or starring in a Broadway play or a musical in addition to movies — when she snuck in the information that Gyllenhaal used to be in a band when he was in high school. Pretty much as soon as she brings it up, he's all twitchy and giggly while explaining that the name was "Wholeshot," and he has no idea why. And you have to see his reaction when Ellen puts their album cover up on the big screen.
Look how red his face gets! Pretty sure he would agree to go out with any and all of us just to erase the feeling of having to admit to being "a lyricist" in his high school band while a blown-up photo of said band hovers behind him. But hey, buddy, I think we all knew this moment was coming. You are a celebrity who was in a boy band when you were younger, and you reached the age of 34 before any of us found out. That right there is a true miracle. (Now lemme get dat number.)