Someone decided to cross a dalmatian and a human into a "humanimal", and the results are actually terrifying. When I say "terrifying", I don't mean you will scream after seeing it. I mean like when you say some things are hilarious, but aren't quite "ha ha" funny. It isn't scary in an American Horror Story kind of way, it's more terrifying in a scary Internet folklore kind of way. As in, you will see the humanimal and it's cringeworthy and makes you wish you'd never looked, but you can't tear your eyes away from it because it's just so fantastically, alarmingly WEIRD.
Before you take a look at this, you need to broaden your mind and push the positive thoughts from your head and accept that life is grim. (Hyperbolic, but I'm telling you this is one of things that makes you lose all hope and realize that our society is going to hell in a handbag.) Ideally, you'd just get into a circus mindset and then the whole idea wouldn't seem quite so ludicrous. If you were to encounter this humanimal, half-dalmation-ish being after seeing elephants, tight rope walkers and the rest of the likes of Big Apple Circus, then watching this video would be less uncomfortable.
Get ready to feel weird:
Life's pretty uncomfortable right now, isn't it?
Don't worry. The Internet has a cure for that. The beauty of cruising the interwebs instead of working is that while you'll inevitably stumble upon videos that push limits and make you want to cover your eyes, you can also find beautiful images and every single kind of fun. It's like Vegas.
The point is, if the dalmatian-man put you in a rut, then there are videos to save you. We'll get through this together. Here are 5 infinitely more likable dalmatians:
1. Andie the smarty pants
She spins. She high fives. She rolls over. She has a mean army crawl. And is it just me, or does she look like she's doing the wave at some point? She's already helping me forget about my humanimal woes! Andie's only 6 months old and is already huge. Keep an eye out for her, I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up on national television.
2. Lance the diver
It's quite the canine honor to be featured by David Letterman. This dog already has it made. He's from Painsville, Ohio which sounds pretty rough, but that hardly matters because this pup is setting records and making a name for himself. And he's not a humanimal, so that's a huge plus.
3. The Dalmatian laugher
Alright, there's some debate as to whether this pooch is laughing or wincing, but it's still pretty adorable.
4. Double Dalmatian tricks
This dog impersonates a dalmatian table, which would be a weird concept if we hadn't already seen a half dog/half human pairing. My standards are considerably lowered after the humanimal, so I'm on board with this.
5. Whizzer the singing dalmatian
He's singing "Bohemian Rhasphody," and while it's not the best Queen cover you'll ever find, it's certainly not the worst.