11 Reasons Why You Need to Have Sex With A Dancer, Because We'll Never Embarrass You At The Club
OK so having sex with a dancer isn’t exactly underrated. But sometimes I feel like we're appreciated for all the wrong reasons. Personally, I know that when people find out I belly dance (not to be confused with "ballet dance") they get all excited about the skimpy costumes and the makeup, which… are not exactly my strong points or what I'm most jazzed about when I perform. And when they find out I pole dance, they're mostly just curious about how slutty and boundary-averse I must be (lolol hi I’m Catholic, nice to meet you). As for the general public, a quick Google search on "dancer" should remind you of how many workout routines and diet plans are geared towards helping civilians achieve a dancer “look” without any of the dancer capabilities--namely, infallible balance, gorgeous extension, expressive range of movement, and striking flexibility. You know, the good stuff.
To be honest, there are a lot dancer characteristics that translate really well into being great in bed, but they're not necessarily what you think they'd be--the body, the athleticism, the Tyra-approved fierceness, etc. In my mind, we're great partners (in and out of bed) because we're scrappy. We keep going when everything hurts and muscles are burning. We're dedicated to getting it right even when we're exhausted. We listen to our bodies, and respect them, and we'll treat yours pretty well too. Oh, and we take a lot showers, in case you're in to that sort of thing.
But that's just the beginning. Here's why you should get with a dancer, stat.
And a five, six, seven, eight....
1. We won't make you feel self conscious about your feet
They may have advice for dealing with bunions or messed up toe nails, but definitely no judgement. (Please return the favor, because we're so, so ashamed).
2. We're fine being naked
Dancers know there there's a worse thing than being naked, and that's a shiny, Lycra body suit. Nudity? Not a problem.
We can definitely do one movement with one body part while doing another movement with another body part, while whispering something dirty. Get my drift?
It's a cliche because it's true.
5. We can support own weight — and possibly yours
There's the kind of strength that comes from lifting weights, and then there's the kind of strength that comes from bracing yourself for partner lifts, or lifting your leg to your face with no hands. We have the last two, and trust me, they come in handy.
6. If you ever make a movie, the lines will be beautiful
No mater what you're doing, toes will be pointed and backs will be arched. That's all I'm saying.
7. If you're into role playing there's probably something weird and tight in the backs of our closets
Hope you're OK with sparkles.
We work through lactic acid burn all the time, and that's in class, without a sexual incentive. With a sexual incentive? It's on.
9. We can and will dance for you
It will be music-video quality and you will love it.
10. We can be coordinated for you
No rhythm? Don't worry. Dancers can find a groove no matter what spastic thing you're doing.
11. We'll never embarrass you at the club
^This will never be your life. And that's the best reason of all to get with (and stay with) a dancer.
Images: Leo Hidalgo/Flickr; Giphy