Much to the annoyance of my friends and family, I am obsessed with hypothetical questions. The minute I say "Okay, if you..." they start to groan. (It started out as internal groaning but it's become audible in recent years. They want me to know how much they hate me.) To be fair, a lot of people just don't have an answer to the question, "If you were to epitomize what your soul looked like with a piece of classical art, which piece would you choose and why?" no matter how many times I push them to pick. But you know who gets me? The women explaining male orgasms with arts and crafts in this new video from Buzzfeed. Ladies, well done for getting metaphor! I too believe that orgasms can be captured with the contents of a pre-school arts and crafts closet, and I salute you for bravely and proudly demonstrating this fact to the world.
Depicting orgasms through conceptual art is far more difficult than creating one IRL. (I'm not bragging about my mad bedroom skills here; barring medical issues, it's just not super difficult in general.) I tried to do it in Microsoft paint and it turned out looking like something Lisa Frank did with her non-dominant hand while drunk... which, come to think of it, might actually be a super accurate interpretation of orgasm. One of the women in the video declares "I think capturing the male orgasm on paper is much easier than it would have been if it were the female orgasm." I don't know: I feel like a particularly vibrant Rothko captures the general tone of female orgasm nicely, no?
Male orgasms? You kinda have to go with a Pollack.
Just me? Well, my orgasms are intensely cultured. Get on my level.
The women in this video may not be Rothko or Pollack, but they truly created some symbolic masterpieces...
Behold their remarkable and inspired artistic processes below with the full video...
Of course, I think we all know that the fine arts are all well and good, but the best possible way to convey male orgasm is via Jon Hamm GIFs!
Images: Getty Images(3); YouTube (2); Giphy (2)