Britney Spears & Iggy Azalea's "Pretty Girls" Disses, Ranked (No Flies Were Harmed In The Making Of This List)
Thanks to an old English proverb, we all know April showers bring May flowers. But what do May flowers bring? NEW BRITNEY MUSIC, duh. The fifth month of 2015 is already off to a solid start: Sunday night, Britney Spears and Iggy Azalea released “Pretty Girls”, their highly anticipated collaboration. I've let the song marinate for a few hours, and I am now ready to share my feelings: I LOVE IT— no if, ands, or buts about it. I want to go to a roller rink, request the DJ play "Pretty Girls" 500 times, and skate my pop music-loving heart out. Not only does the beat have me snapping my fingers like I'm telling my parents' disobedient dog to stop digging through my purse, but there are lots of zingers peppered throughout the lyrics. And gosh help me, I cannot resist a zinger (or a Zinger).
Here are the best disses from "Pretty Girls", ranked:
#7: "Just you watch, they're so predictable"
Eh, calling a dude "predictable" isn't the worst diss. As a matter of fact, "predictable" can be a good thing. When I go to In-N-Out Burger, I do not want to be surprised by what the employee operating the drive thru window hands me when I order a cheeseburger and a vanilla milkshake. It's nice to have some constants in this ever-changing world.
#6: "They can laugh, but they don't get the jokes"
What a bunch of L7 weenies.
#5: "They don't see me rolling my eyes"
So unobservant! How embarrassing.
#4: "Like bees to the honey!"
Initially, I was like, “WAIT A SECOND. Bees make honey. They aren’t attracted to honey. You must mean bears! Or flies! Or me!” But I am no bug expert, so I thought it might be a good idea to do some research. And I'll be darned, the Internet proved me wrong several times over. Did you know that honey bee larvae eats honey? I most certainly did not!
Calling a guy a bee isn't the meanest dig ever; Bees are a critical part of our planet. So, if you tell someone they're acting like a bee, you're more or less calling them a species that the Earth depends on. A very important species. What a nice compliment!
On second thought, if you say a guy is acting like a bee, you're also more or less calling him a ruiner of picnics. WAY HARSH.
#3: "All around the world, pretty girls/Wipe the floor with all the boys"
Correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds like she's calling boys mops. It'd suck to be a mop. Just think of all of the floor gunk you'd have to come in contact with. EESH.
#2: "Tell me, is it true that these men are from Mars?/Is that why they be acting bizarre?"
Is this a reference to New York Times Best Seller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus? Or is Britney comparing these dudes to literal martians? I'm going to go with the latter. Why? Because comparing anyone to these critters is a sick burn:
Ack ack ack ack ack! Major yikes.
#1: "They buzzing around me like flies"
Hot take: Flies are really gross. You know what’ll ruin my day? If a fly breaks into my apartment. The sound of a fly buzzing around and crashing into windows makes my skin crawl and my stomach churn. One of my top five fears: A fly flies directly into my ear and said fly has to be extracted from my ear by a doctor. Ugh, the mere thought of it makes me want to hurl.
To be compared to a disgusting, annoying fly is a serious diss.