Woo-WEE. The Southern Charm Jekyll Island adventure has begun. It's not just any ol' reality television show trip. It is THE trip. The trip T-Rav did not take. The trip the rest of the cast—including Kathryn—took. The trip T-Rav referenced in his Facebook breakup announcement. The trip where all of the hell seemed to erupt. While the hell only started to erupt at the tail end of this week's episode (buckle up for next week, y'all), it was still a very eventful hour of TV. Plenty of shenanigans to be had. On Monday night's Southern Charm, there was a drunken bike ride debacle, a screaming match on a beautiful porch, and a maybe-hookup mystery. OoOoOo! A mystery! The parties in question: Craig and Kathryn. DUN DUN DUN.
After her vicious argument with Whitney about her relationship with T-Rav ("Go fall on a knife" is my new go-to retort), Kathryn sprinted away from the house where the cast was staying. Jennifer followed. Once they were through with sprinting, Kathryn and Jennifer plopped down on the ground next to the mansion. Craig found Kathryn and Jennifer, plopped down on the ground next to them, handed over a bottle of wine, and lent a listening ear. He told Kathryn that Whitney was scared during the fight, adding that his "smirking is a defense mechanism." With the intent to snuff out the accusations that she is only after T-Rav for his money, Kathryn announced she was wearing pants she bought at Target. Jennifer admired Craig and Kathryn's friendship. Craig and Kathryn admired Craig and Kathryn's friendship. HOORAY FOR FRIENDSHIP!
And then, at around 3 in the morning, Jennifer decided it was time to hit the hay. Craig and Kathryn, on the other hand, decided it was as good a time as any to go golf carting around the island. As one does.
Per Cameran, here is Craig's account of what happened next:
- While he and Kathryn were joyriding around the beach, the golf cart died.
- They were lost. They were drunk. They were tired. So, they did the only thing that made sense at the time: dug a hole in the sand, crawled into the hole, and fell asleep. As one does.
- Due to the cold, they were forced to snuggle for warmth.
- They did not visit the bone zone.
Cameran recounted the above to the rest of the Charmers. Shep, at his wit's end with Craig's behavior as of late, asked what we were all thinking: "Did they hook up?"
The other Charmers stared at each other in silence.
Look, this is America. You're innocent until proven guilty (isn't that right, law school grad Craig?). If Craig and Kathryn say they didn't take the train (or should I say golf cart?) to Pound Town, then I'll take their word for it. HOORAY FOR FRIENDSHIP!
Now that that's settled, there is another mystery to attend to: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOLF CART?!?!?! If it really did die, I hope Craig and Kathryn doused it in gasoline, pushed it out into the water, and threw lit matches at it.
Anything less than a Viking funeral for that noble golf cart would be disrespectful.
Images: Brianna Stello/Bravo; fallontonightgifs, sixpenceee/tumblr