8 Signs You're Dating A Commitment-Phobe, Because The Red Flags Might Not Be As Clear As You Think

Most of us have probably been in a relationship or two where we felt our partner was holding back. Or maybe we’ve fallen for a man or woman who never wanted to fully commit to the relationship. You feel like you’re putting both feet into the relationship, while your mate has one foot out the door. It’s not as if your partnership is horrible — in fact, everything would be close to perfect if your commitment-phobe significant other would just be devoted one hundred percent.

If some of this sounds familiar, you might be dating a commitment-phobe. It’s not the best predicament to be in. Trust me, I’ve been there. Even after realizing you’ve got a partner who’s afraid to commit on your hands, you’re going to have to decide what to do with this awareness. Do you want to stay with someone who is afraid to invest 100% into you and the relationship? Are you willing to work with his or her fears? Or do you recognize that you need to be with a person who can give you more assurance? That part is up for you to decide.

All I can do is offer you the signs that you might be dating a person who is afraid of commitment.

1. Scared Of Talking About The Future

When the subject of having children or settling down comes up, it’s almost as if you can see the sweat beads forming on your partner’s head. You know you’re dating a person afraid of commitment when they avoid talking about the future like it’s the plague. If your significant other has difficulty discussing the future, it may be about time to contemplate the future of your relationship.

2. No Long Term Past

If you ask the person you’re dating how long their previous relationships were and none of them passed a couple of weeks, this is probably a commitment-phobe red flag. I know people say it’s good to leave the past in the past, but in this case, the past speaks volumes. It’s crucial to understand why your significant other hasn’t had any long-term relationships. The more you know, the better you are.

3. Will Not Define Relationship

This is your classic, “I don’t like labels” partner. When you bring up the fact that you want to define the relationship, the person you are dating makes excuses to do so. It’s one thing if you two just started dating and he or she isn’t ready for that seriousness yet. But, it’s another if you’ve been together for a while and you believe he or she should take the next step. If your partner isn’t willing to take this leap, then you may want to leap the other way.

4. Can’t Even Commit To Breakfast

A commitment-phone can't commit — period. This even means they have trouble making set plans for even breakfast or lunch. If scheduling an appointment with your gynecologist is easier than scheduling a date with your partner, all signs point to commitment-phobe.

5. Friends & Family Who?

If you and your significant other have been dating for quite some time and you still haven't met his or her parents and close friends — well, Houston, we have a problem. Your other half should want to show you off to the people that are closest to him/her. A person who is fearful of commitment is scared to let you into his or her inner circle.

6. No Space For You

When looking around your partner's place, do you see a drawer for yourself, or a toothbrush? Or is it filled with only his or her things? If the answer of the latter, then you might have a commitment-phobe on your hands. If he or she isn’t opening up space emotionally and physically for you, then there’s no room for the relationship to grow.

7. There’s Always Something Holding Him/Her Back

Does it seem like your partner always has a reason for not wanting to get married or settle down? Maybe your mate wants to wait until he or she gets that one promotion. Or maybe they say that they will discuss moving forward after he or she makes more money. If your partner is constantly finding different reasons to keep your relationship static, then you might want to make some moves for yourself.

8. Not Emotionally Available

One possible sign you are dating a person afraid of commitment is if he or she is emotionally unavailable. If at times you feel as if your partner holds back emotionally and you’re pushing down walls, then you might eventually feel exhausted of this fight. Each partner has to be available to other, and that means emotionally as well.

Image: Cedric Lange/Flickr, GIFs/Giphy