15 Reasons Why The White House Would Be Cooler, Cuter, And Even More Powerful With A Cat
It's been wonderful observing the last two presidential terms — the running, photo ops from the White House lawn, playing fetch. Oh, did you think I was talking about President Obama? I guess he was alright too. Whether or not you agreed with Obama's policies, you can't deny that Bo and Sunny were the real rulers of the White House. However, now that the Obamas are on their way out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, it's time to welcome a new power behind the throne. This time, the new White House pet should be a cat. Besides the fact that cats are already ruling the human race as it is, there are numerous reasons why a cat would be good for the White House (though a Democat would be even better).
First of all, remember Socks, the Clintons' beloved black-and-white cat? He was the best! While his human, President Bill Clinton, worked around the clock to fortify the nation's economy and bring the New Democrat vision to life, Socks worked hard back at the White House to find the best sun spots in each room, steal extra scraps of food from the kitchen, and plot revenge against Buddy, the Clintons' chocolate lab.
So, now that there's a pretty decent chance that the Clintons will be returning to the White House — sans Socks, unfortunately, who died in 2009 — it's only appropriate that they do their legendary cat proud by passing the torch to another feline. Here are 15 reasons why it's time for another White House cat, fur-real.
Cats Are The Fiercest Creatures On Earth. Period.
And therefore the only animal fit for a U.S. president.
Cats Help Owners Get Over Emotional Pain (Probably Because Their Permanent Expression Says "Snap Out Of It")
The president will inevitably have to address tragedy during their term.
You Have To Earn Their Love
Just like a president has to earn the love and respect of his or her nation's people, a cat will not just indiscriminately snuggle with anyone.
Cats Have The Best Side-Eye
And so do certain presidential candidates.
Cats Are Smart
Sometimes too smart for their own good.
Not Only Are Cats Smart, But Studies Say Cat Owners Are Smarter Than Dog Owners
I presume the next president wants to come off as smart?
Cats Don't Take Orders, Which Is A Trait That Any Strong President Should Mimic
Imagine telling a cat to sit. He'd look you up and down like you were crazy.
They're Feisty When They Need To Be
On the tougher issues, a good president will need to assert themselves.
But They're Also Diplomatic
However, the president also needs to recognize when to choose their battles.
A Cat's Stealth Is Unparalleled
When fighting international enemies, it's crucial to be stealthy.
Cats Can Run Faster Than A Car — Or An Olympic Sprinter
The average house cat can run as fast as 30 miles per hour. That's how fast my mom goes in her Toyota.
They Can See Much Better Than Humans In The Dark
They can fight, they can hide, they can run, they have superior night vision — cats are basically Navy SEALs.
Seriously, Cats Are Like Furry Weapons That Sleep All Day Long
In fact, cats have actually served in war alongside their fellow human soldiers.
They're Effortlessly Badass
Cats have an intrinsic "cool" factor that could really help a president's image with younger voters.
Cats Are Just Really, Really Ridiculously Cute
That's reason enough.