I’m not saying that it’s an irrefutable fact, but in my experience I’ve found that the eldest children in a family are typically the most wise. Sure, it could be that I am the oldest child in my family, and I am also impossibly wise and, I guess, biased, but I’ve also observed it in other cases. For instance, in the Kardashian family. To me, Kris Jenner’s first child, Kourtney Kardashian is by far the most level headed and logical one of the whole bunch. Plus, even if you disagree with my observations, there was a study that claims oldest children may very well be the smartest out of their sibling group. So, sorry little brothers and little sisters of the world, not everyone can be so omniscient.
But, back to the matter at hand: Kourtney and her infinite smarts. After watching her life and her quips for seven years on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, it’s safe to say that her wit is unparalleled. She can shut up, shut down, or enlighten a family member or a hater in one swift sentence, and that is a true skill. So, in honor of Kourt and her wisdom, here are 17 of her one-liners that you can use for almost any situation in your life. You can thank her later.
When you wake up to your alarm blaring in your ear
And then you promptly chuck it against the nearest wall.
When someone asks you what you want out of life
The first day at a new job
It was probably a bad idea that you lied so extensively during the interview.
When you ask your sister if she lost the shirt you lent her
Which is why you try to never lend her anything.
When you're trying to get your friend to stay in with you on a Saturday night
Or ANY outfit. *Maniacal laughter*
When you stay out past 10 p.m. on a weeknight
When people get mad about Taylor Swift going from country to pop
CAN SHE LIVE?
When you complain that your pants don't fit, but it's 2-for-1 taco night
Solution: Get new pants.
When your boyfriend blatantly scratches and/or adjusts his junk in public
When your family members ask how the job search is going
Um, it's going. Somewhere.
When you see people tagged in photos from a crowded, musty nightclub
"Is there a worse fate?" you ask yourself, sprawled out on your couch deep into Season 5 of Parks and Rec.
When you're in flats and your friends are in heels
UM, there are friend dress code policies, people.
When you're talking to a dull, yet hot, guy at the bar
And you want to know if you should just get rid of him now... or later.
When you're fangirling and someone tries to ruin your moment by bashing your favorite celeb
No one insults my queen.
When your BFF's boyfriend isn't returning her calls
Or, even if he has an excuse.
When someone corrects your grammar on social media
When someone posts two selfies in one day on Instagram
You look EXACTLY the same as you did 45 minutes ago. At LEAST change the camera angle, GOD.
Images: Giphy (17)