It's not as heavily publicized in the tabloids as some other awards shows are, so you may not be aware, but the CMAs are tonight on ABC. Unless you're a devout country music fan, this may not seem like a big deal, but trust me, if you're stuck with basic cable and nothing else to watch tonight, ABC is definitely the channel you need to tune into — this thing might actually be interesting. If anything, the hosts are at least charming: Per a press release, singers Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood are set to host the show, and, considering its their sixth consecutive time doing so, they kind of know what they're doing by now. We hope.
I know, I know; the last award show you watched was probably the VMAs, and that was only because Miley Cyrus kept teasing about how she was going to do something "big" during the show — only to end up twerking on Robin Thicke's misogynistic crotch while the audience stared on, horrified. Despite only having a one-letter difference in the name, I promise you, the CMAs will be nothing like that. They'll be much better! And here's why:
More beer
These guys are as country as they come, which means instead of expensive cocktails that are too ridiculously bourgeois for life, there'll be way more of life's simplest alcoholic beverage: Nice, cold beers.
Bigger hair
These guys are as country as they come, so you can expect to see a lot of really bleached blonde, big hairstyles on the red carpet. They say that every year when this award show happens, the ozone layer wears just a tiny bit thinner from all the hairspray that everyone uses to tease their hair.
Connie Britton
This doesn't need explanation. Nashville star and the best part of American Horror Story: Murder House, Connie Britton, will be in attendance at the show tonight, which is so much better than any surprise guest the MTV VMAs could throw at us.
Less Miley Cyrus
As in, no Miley Cyrus. No need to worry about getting any PTSD-esque flashbacks to that moment when you saw Hannah Montana twerking on the dad from Growing Pains' son — Miley Cyrus is not scheduled to be at this award show, because she'll probably be somewhere else in LA writing an open letter to Liam Hemsworth or something. Don't worry, you're safe here.
Convinced yet? The CMAs are set to air tonight on ABC at 8 p.m. EST.
