We will always remember where we were when Taylor Swift released the "Bad Blood" music video at the Billboard Music Awards this past weekend, and, while I don't want to be "that girl", I do have some concerns about it. Namely that it was too much information to try to squeeze into a four-minute window. And, don't get me wrong, I actually liked the video. There's nothing I love more than a coterie of badass ladies showing off their strong bodies with leather and fight choreography, but, usually, if I'm going to get full enjoyment out of something, I like to know what the eff is going on. And, in this video, I never did.
Obviously, we all know that "Bad Blood" is rumored to be about Swift's rift with Katy Perry over the latter supposedly stealing the former's tour dancers out from under her, but the video has zero to do with that. Instead, it features 17 of Swift's closest friends playing characters in some kind of dystopian, futuristic alternate reality where she's betrayed by, and then seeks revenge on, another of her close friends, Selena Gomez.
That part I understand (or at least I think I do), but the rest of the plot that had been jammed in there sped by so quickly that I found myself wishing I was watching a movie instead of a music video, so it would all be explained and I could get to know the characters a little better. Here are the 19 moments that convinced me "Bad Blood" should've been a feature-length film instead of a music video.
So We Could've Known What There Possibly Is To Steal In This Nondescript Office
They made off with a whole ream of paper.
So Selena Gomez Could've Had More Time To Nail Her Fight Choreography
Sorry not sorry.
So The Director Could Have Lived Up To His Word
I WAS PROMISED A FILM.
It Would've Explained Why Taylor Swift Is Un-Killable
She fell from a pretty great height onto that car and walked away without a scratch, so I need answers!
We Could've Given Lena Dunham More To Do
Very solid smoking of that cigar, but all the other ladies got to do a lot more butt-kicking.
I Would've Loved An Explanation For Swift's Space Bikini
Are we in the future? Are those suspenders? And a collar? How does the rubber (or plastic??) not chafe? And is she in some kind of cyborg healing pod? I feel like we have more than enough for a feature film here.
Why Are There Three Hailee Steinfelds?
And also what is she so nervous about?
Tell Me More About This Locker Room That's Only For Badass Women
Like for example — how do I gain access?
And Why Is It Okay To Fire Guns Inside?
Hey, maybe don't point that at me.
When Is That See-Through Car Coming To Market?
Say goodbye to changing your clothes in the front seat on the way to work!
Who Is Redoing Swift's Hair In Between All Of These Takes With The Various Characters?
Or is this over an extended period of time? Like she's visiting each of her fighters and practicing with them? I want this video to be a training montage in a larger film so I see her actually use each weapon!
It's Impossible To Tell Who's With Swift And Who's Against Her
Especially when these ladies are all her friends in real life! I need more time to puzzle it out!
I Need More Of This Fistfight Between Swift And Her Literal Bestie
Karlie Kloss vs. Taylor Swift is the true fight of the century.
How Come These Two Don't Need Gas Masks When Swift Has The Flare Lit In The Hallway?
Is it because they aren't youths like everyone else? I require backstory.
Has This Been A School The Whole Time?
Gotta start over and watch it from the beginning.
And Now We're Blowing Up A City?
What did they ever do to you? And where are the rest of the girls?
Are They On The Other Team Under Those Masks?
What Is Even Going On?
You were in a snowbox for that whole fight with Frostbyte? Also, what is a snowbox?
And You're Really Gonna Start A Fight In The Last Shot?
What are you doing to me girl? When can we expect the sequel so we can find out how it turns out?
Watch the video again below.
Images: YouTube (20)