OMG: These Flawless Flowers Are Made Of Sugar

I've just about had it with people complaining about wedding season. I am a single lady with zero prospects on the horizon (#sorrymomanddad) who spent almost an entire year working as an assistant in a wedding business, and if I'm not jaded enough to hate weddings, nobody should be. So cut the boohoos, y'all, because weddings are beautiful booze-fests that celebrate love and drunkenness and gluttony better than any other celebration there is. And even if you can't get excited about all of that, then I promise you can't help but get excited about these realistic sugar flowers for wedding cakes, because they are too gorgeous for this world.

Look, wedding planning is hard, but you know what isn't? Eating cake. That's exactly why I worked so long in a wedding cake bakery despite the fact that it had nothing to do with my college major or overall career goals. I love cake, and the things that the decorators were doing to those cakes were so beautiful that I probably would have paid money to sit on the floor and watch them.

The only thing I can really say confidently about weddings is that trying and planning out the cake is the best part of the whole shebang. Maybe somebody I'll meet somebody I love or whatever and the cake won't seem as important, but it's doubtful. Think I need to get my priorities in line? You're probably right. But I don't care. Take a look at these fully edible and ridiculously gorgeous gum paste flowers by KookieHouse and you'll be as blasé about the whole true love thing as I am:

Sugar Dahlias

Unf. Yeah. That is one hunk of burning floral love.

That's right, baby. Turn for me.

B-b-b-back it on up.

Hi, yes, 911? It's me again. I am slain. Yes, I'll hold.

(Available on Etsy, $39.)

Sugar Peonies

Bloom, bloom, bloom, even brighter than that moon, moon, moon.

Don't tease me like this.

PAUSING in my overt sexualization of wedding flowers to say that this is my dream cake. Carry on.

(Available on Etsy, $76.)

Sugar Roses


It's just you and me, baby.

No, don't turn your back on me, baby. We can work this out!

*wedding bells intensify*

(Available on Etsy, $76.)

I haven't even told you the best part, so buckle up, cake enthusiasts. It turns out you can get all of these flowers in any color.

I need to sit down. Oh, wait, I already am. I need to ... I just ... *faints*.

All of these gorgeous designs are available on the KookieHouse Etsy shop, if you think you can handle the intensity of these flowers. You may be ready for this jelly, but I doubt if anybody can prepare us for this gumpaste.

If anybody needs me I'll be very busy marrying myself so I can buy all of these yesterday.

Images: KookieHouse/Etsy (12)