Historically, making demands as a woman in a relationship doesn't have a great rap in our culture; insults like "harpy," "shrew" and "ball-buster" are often used against a woman who asks for what she wants from a partner. This sort of patriarchal nonsense is both irresponsible and disrespectful, and as a boss bitch, I am not f*cking standing for it, in my relationship or out of it. And neither should you. Boss bitches demand what they want and need in relationships, and don't apologize for it because they know it is their right.
In a fantastic 2013 article for Everyday Feminism, Erin McKelle pointed out that women's social roles often don't allow them to be active in making decisions, setting boundaries, and asserting power in relationships. So being a boss bitch in a relationship is definitely a feminist issue — even if your choice involves being dominated, taken care of, or financially "kept". The key word there is choice. Something a boss bitch always has.
1. Constant Respect
Women are consistently, absurdly disrespected in this world. There is no time for that in an intimate relationship. And respect isn't just an abstract concept: it's a continual series of acts by a partner, and it encompasses your rights, wishes, boundaries and intellect. Respecting a partner means both admiring them and giving weight to their feelings and decisions.
The line between independence and dependence — particularly emotionally — must be negotiated afresh with every new relationship. But boss bitches need to know (and need their partners to know) that their time is theirs — i.e. "That night's booked for me; no, you can't come to that; sure, I'm free at 11 the next night."
3. Mutual Trust
Boss bitches don't check their partners' phones, and their partners don't check theirs. They trust each other, both regarding their fidelity and their capability — so if somebody says something will be done about the leaky bathroom faucet, boss bitches trust them to do the damn thing instead of nagging them about it.
4. The Right To An Opinion
Boss bitches may not express themselves in the same way universally, but they all know they have the right to have opinions on matters that clash with their partners', as well as the right to discuss those differences with their partner in an intelligent and kind manner.
5. Financial Control
Financial control — even if it's the act of relinquishing control of a particular set of bills or tax filings to your partner — is a boss bitch move. Boss bitches know where the money is, where it's going, and who's in charge of what.
6. Reproductive Freedom
Telling a boss bitch what to do with her body is rarely a good idea. Compromise and discussion, on the other hand? Absolutely fine. Boss bitches are in ultimately charge of their bodies and their own reproductive rights, but they also acknowledge the thoughts of their partner, even if they have the final say.
7. Emotional Support
As Tina Fey once so memorably proclaimed, bitches get stuff done — but that doesn't mean they don't require help or emotional support while doing it. Boss bitches know they can rely on their partner for serious and considered emotional support in tough times.
Everybody has the right to privacy in certain areas of their life. Trust and privacy go hand in hand in a serious relationship, and a boss bitch knows this. She's relaxed about asking for the privacy she needs; she knows it is perfectly acceptable to ask a partner not to watch you pee, or to keep your emails to your mother private.
9. Serious Input In All Decisions That Affect Her
When Carrie threw a hamburger at a fridge because Big decided to move
to Paris without consulting her, she was being a boss bitch. Relationships
with boss bitches involve input from both sides on decisions that have a
two-person impact. Boss bitches will not tolerate people who do that sh*t
without consultation. Nope nope nope.
Images: Comedy Central; Giphy (9)