With Memorial Day just a couple days away, we can safely say that the official start of the summer is almost within our grasp. What this means is that Summer Fridays will begin, long weekends to the beach will be had, and orgasms on pool toys should definitely be on your personal “to do” list. Wait ― what’s that you say? You’ve never had an orgasm on a pool toy? No worries. Thanks to the invention of the Gnarly Rider, the world’s first pool float sex toy, all that is about to change.
Having struggled with sexual arousal her whole life, Ronda Sue realized her libido needed a boost, as is the case with almost 10 percent of the women out there. So one day while she was lounging on a pool noodle, of all things, brilliance struck Ronda Sue. If she were to finally find the sexual satisfaction she had longed for her whole life she would need a vibrator on her noodle … because, OMG of course.
So Ronda Sue went to work and did some research. What she found, at least according to her website, is that floating in the water can lead to stronger orgasms. My brief research on this supposed scientific fact led me nowhere except back to Ronda Sue’s website, so maybe she has some contacts that I just can't find. Although there is “flotation therapy,” in which someone sits in a tub of heated salt water and experiences the release of endorphins as a way to deal with pain, it’s not quite the same thing that Ronda Sue is claiming, but like I said, maybe she has researchers under the radar who are all top-secret for this ingenious idea of hers.
However, groundbreaking idea or not, Ronda Sue can’t make
the Gnarly Rider without some financial assistance. She is currently looking
for $100,000 so she can make this fantasy a reality and is doing so by
fundsourcing for money on IndieGogo. Although she’s only raised a few hundred
bucks at the moment, you can still pre-order your own Gnarly Rider for $50, or
$60 if you prefer hot pink to aqua for your sex toy’s color. The estimated
delivery date for these items is July 2015, but I have a sneaking suspicion, we
might be looking at a 2016 delivery date, if there’s one at all. But having
never made a noodle sex toy, maybe it doesn’t take as long as I imagine.
Truth be told, I’ve never ridden a pool noodle. I was under the impression that one sort of hung on to it the same way Jack Dawson hung on to that door at the end of the Titanic, you know, the door that Rose could have shared with him, but didn’t. However, based on what I’ve learned from Ronda Sue’s site, a noodle is meant to be ridden between the legs … I guess? I don’t know; it’s all very jumbled in my brain at the moment. But here’s hoping Ronda Sue and the Gnarly Rider will put my pessimism to rest by giving the world exactly what it needs by July: A vibrator pool noodle. Because I think that’s exactly what the world needs?