The Real Life Catdog Will Haunt Your Nightmares

It's been ten years since the last episode of Catdog aired. Stew on that for a second, and then when you're done having your existential crisis about life passing you by, come back—because there is something on the internet far more terrifying than your mortality. Someone made a scientifically accurate Catdog parody, and it will basically make you wish the '90s had never happened. Like, I think my jaw dropped on the floor while I was watching this, but it doesn't really matter whether or not I find it, because I doubt I'll be speaking or eating ever again.

The video depicts the gruesome reality of combining an actual cat and dog, following this damned creature as it tries to compromise its failing immune system and dueling personalities. Oh, and to make it all more delightfully horrible, the old Catdog theme song has been revamped. It's basically a Nickelodeon-themed horror movie, and although you will be disgusted with every bone in your body, you will not be able to look away. My 9-year-old self is still shrieking in the back of my brain space and I doubt she'll ever stop.

In case you were wondering what modern science would actually do to Catdog, well, make sure there's nothing in your stomach and buckle up. Here are the stages of the real Catdog's short life:

They are born from Frankenstein-esque origins

Their digestive systems are wack

They lead a miserable, medicated existence

Which, of course, Nickelodeon goes WILD for

But then Dog turns on Cat ...

And, well.

:/ :/ :/.

I just really need somebody to hold me. Or give me a lobotomy. I'll let you know when I'm fully conscious again. In the meantime, here's the whole video, complete with lyric revamping, that will wreck you psychologically for the rest of your life:

Images: Nickelodeon; YouTube(7)