Lip gloss advocate and former America’s Best Dance Crew judge Lil Mama has blessed the universe with a new music video. This is not a drill. This is a red alert emergency. Mayday on this May day. Batten down the hatches, buckle your seatbelt, and get ready to daaaaaaaance. Thursday, Lil Mama released the video for “Sausage,” a banger (and mash) of a track that samples Slick Rick’s “Mona Lisa,” Big Sean’s “IDWFU,” Mary J. Blige’s “Seven Days,” and more. Speaking of breakfast foods, trying to find all of the samples in "Sausage" is sort of like going on an Easter egg hunt; the hip-hop and R&B hits sprinkled throughout the song are like dyed hard boiled eggs, but waaaaaay better.
The vid for this pro-safe sex/pro-breakfast jam is a never-ending dance party, which is arguably my favorite genre of music video. And as if all of the choreo wasn't enough, this vid showed up to the party with MULTIPLE costume changes. Be still my heart. In just four minutes and 22 seconds, Lil Mama manages to wipe the floor with all of us at least 10 thousand times. Here are just a few of the eggcellent moments from the "Sausage" music video:
Right out the gate, she hits us with this American Horror Story: Coven-meets-Lady Gaga at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards ensemble.
Everything Happening Here
That bikini. That Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles jacket. That exasperated reaction. All of it is perfect. Lil Mama is perfect.
The Dance Karate Battle
Lil Mama's opponent is no match.
The Flying Bicycle
When I was a youth, I asked two of my friends to lift me up like this so I could do a Liu Kang bicycle kick. The second I was airborne, I accidentally smacked one of my friends in the face. My friends dropped me. I did not sustain any physical injuries; the only thing bruised was my ego. Never again would I attempt the Liu Kang bicycle kick.
I envy how easy Lil Mama makes this look.
The Parting Of The Sea
When the dancers create a V formation, LIL MAMA APPEARS! What a great way to make an entrance.
The Polaris Dance Party
Lil Mama leads a parade while riding shotgun in a vehicle that looks like something that could turn into a giant robotic grasshopper any moment.
This just about sums up how I feel whenever anyone tries to tell me the Paul Blart franchise isn't terrific. Those movies are hilarious. You'll all see the light eventually.
The "Not Gon' Cry" Outfit
Lil Mama J. Blige.
The Playground Dance Party
This is truly the greatest.
And This Move
[Faints again, decides it might be safer to just stay on the floor from here on out.]
The Lean 'n' Knee Pop
Why yes, as a matter of fact I did spend 10 minutes of my morning trying to do this move in front of a mirror.
The Cat 'Stume
Those shoes give me heart palpitations.
The "Vogue" Spirit Fingers
TOO MUCH HEAT. CANNOT TAKE IT. MUST GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
Speaking of kitchens, here's the video for my new favorite song about brekkie:
Images: WORLDSTARHIPHOP/YouTube (14); Kristie Rohwedder/Bustle (14)