You're laying starfish in your bed, weakly fanning your face as you scowl at the slow-moving fan above you. You feel your shirt cling to your chest as you try to convince yourself to get up and get some water, dreading having to dress for hot weather. No, you have to save your energy. No frivolous movements.
You packed a suitcase a couple of weeks ago and found yourself flying off to some hot, exotic, colorful country, full of spicy foods and brutal heat waves. At the time it seemed like a good idea. An adventure, even. Getting dressed in hot weather can be a tricky, nearly impossible thing, especially when all you want to do is streak through the streets like you're Lady Godiva on her horse. And though we all know it's doable, there are certain, shall we say, emotional breakdowns that happen while trying to make yourself not look like a melting popsicle the whole day through.
Sure, at first sitting in sweltering, open-front cafes and walking through heavy, humid afternoons sounded like something out of a daydream. It sounded romantic, even. But now that you're living it there might be some tiny, teensy regret as you're trying to avoid sweating a lot. Below are the seven emotional stages of trying to get dressed in a hot country, because it's borderline maddening. And I haven't decided yet whether that's in a good way or not.
1. Figuring Out Everything You Packed Is Wrong
You had high hopes for that chambray shirt, you really did. Same goes with that long sleeve embroidered dress. But as you wake up another morning with your tee sticking to your chest and your back glued to the sheets, you quickly realize those were nothing but pipe dreams. At this point you'd be A-OK visiting markets and cathedrals butt-naked, but you'll settle for anything thin and willing to catch the breeze.
2. Coming To Terms With The Fact That Everything You Own Is A Makeshift Sweat Towel
Aw, your maxi dress is so pretty. Though wasn't it a light blue just this morning, and not a dark navy color? Oh, that's... oh, sweat. It's still cute though, still cute.
3. Deciding You Have No Patience For The Frills
You know all those Free People-esque, dangly necklaces you packed? Oh, did you already toss them out into the river in a fit of sweaty rage? That makes sense. How about those cute crop tops you were going to layer on top of your dresses? Is that dream dead already? Yeah, thought so. When the thermometer looks like it might break at any moment, no babygirl in her right mind is going to be in the mood to fuss. It's all about toeing the line between being semi-naked and not being arrested by the local police.
4. Incorporating Your Sunburn Into Your Summer Look
OK, at this point you have a nice farmer's tan going and you're trying to figure out how to make your burned forehead blend in with your resort style. You haven't quite finalized the game plan, but you know you'll be staying away from flaming reds. As for the farmer's tan, you're clever and are going to be alternating necklines and sleeve lengths until you reach a flawless ombre effect.
It'll... it'll even out. Eventually.
5. Coming To Grips With The Other Fact: That Your Hair Is Alive And Is Plotting To Take Over The World
Well, this is a mess. You've got wisps flying this way and that, your bun looks like a thriving chia pet, and your bangs decided they're now curly, though the rest of your head is firmly staying straight. But... you kind of like the look of it. Because wild hair belongs to a wild woman.
6. Crochet Starts Looking Like The Answer
When you were first planning out this trip, you were ready to be every inch of Ralph Lauren Resort chic. We're talking linen culottes, wide brim straw hats, bell-shaped chambray shirts. But after the first picture was snapped of you and your boob sweat — enjoying an espresso at the piazza like old friends — you decided to toss that wardrobe fantasy out the window.
Now you're eyeing those crochet tops at the night market like they could be a real possibility. Same goes with those drop crotch pants. Oh wait, you already own them? Yep, that seems about right.
7. Embracing, But Not Submitting
It's hot. Like, rudely hot. Makeup isn't even a thing you're going to bother with, your hairbrush accomplishes nothing, and you pretty much have sweat running down your back as a rule at this point. But... you're totally OK with it. You don't really have time to stress about the state of it all as you're poking around kingdoms created for gods or drinking out of coconuts under drooping palm trees. You're an explorer, an adventurer. It's a dirty, messy business getting lost in the world, and you're completely up for it.
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