Bad vision is a special treat many of us inherit from birth on. Over time, though, is when it usually becomes more apparent, or even worsens. Although, of course, this means the option of totally dope eyewear so you can be stylish while, y'know, also seeing things. However, the issue remains: Having bad vision kinda sucks. There are things people with bad vision are tired of hearing. As if squinting at times or being forced to fumble for the bathroom in a midnight pee quest isn't enough, people with 20/20 feel compelled to say or ask things or questions specific to this specific shortcoming. It's all pretty annoying, to be honest.
I got full-time glasses during the summer between sixth and seventh grade, aka, peak self-consciousness time. I had that cliché moment of clarity (no pun intended) riding home in new glasses and seeing the individual leaves on trees the first time and feeling so transcendent. I begged for and somehow secured parental clearance to quickly graduate to contacts. Regardless of my intended sleuth (or maybe because of the myriad of sleepover parties), friends caught on so the unsolicited comments and questions started flowing immediately. And seriously? They got pretty tired almost just as fast. If you have eye correction, you'll feel me on these things people with bad vision cannot stand hearing:
"Are you wearing contacts right now?"
I hear this a lot while driving. Although, of course, specific vision capabilities and limitations vary wildly by person, I personally have horrific vision all-around. This question sparks instant fury and it's hard not to snap back, "YEAH I HOPE SO OR ELSE WE WOULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW." Unless a person is physically running into structures (and hopefully not while behind the wheel, especially), this question is insane. And kinda not pertinent save the slim chance you're a DMV employee.
"You'd look so pretty in contacts."
When said to a person in glasses, this is not a helpful observation. As you can see with your own perfect vision, this person is currently in glasses. So how could this note poise anything remotely helpful? Conversely...
"You'd look so pretty in glasses."
If you're wearing contacts, that's totally your own preference. And your own right and who is this person saying such boneheaded things anyway? Bye.
"Are those real glasses?"
I understand fashion glasses exist and a select crew of upsetting people choose to sport them for unknown reasons. Seriously, to me it's the equivalent of rocking fashion braces. Why is an actual physical obstacle warped into a thing of style? It makes no sense and is kind of offensive to insinuate of another person.
"What about LASIK?"
What about it? It's certainly a thing that exists but it's also an enormously expensive thing. Also, not everyone is physically able to do this because the whole procedure hinges on cornea thickness. And oh yeah—it is freaking pricy.
"Glasses look smart."
It slightly sucks that this statement holds a little truth. Something about donning a pair of specs demands trace amounts of respect. However, what isn't smart is pointing this out to someone as a either a slight (if they're wearing contacts) or fetishy compliment (gross).
"Girls in glasses are so cute."
Listen, even though I usually default to contacts, every so often I reach for glasses instead. This is probably because I am hungover or otherwise feel like shit or—gasp—I feel like it. This isn't a ploy to attract a basement-dwelling weirdo with a boner for manic pixie dream girls.
"Can I try those on?"
People don't usually ask this about contacts (although they have...to me...more than once), but this always happens with glasses. And with horrible vision, this is asking for some serious vulnerability. A thing obviously the person asking doesn't deserve of you because who asks you to be blind so they can also be blind? Very strange.
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
I'm not looking, but can you see which specific finger I am holding up? Hint: it isn't a particularly flattering one.
Images: ericamarleene/Instagram; Giphy (9)
